About Stuart Duncan

My name is Stuart Duncan, creator of http://www.stuartduncan.name. My oldest son (Cameron) has Autism while my younger son (Tyler) does not. I am a work from home web developer with a background in radio. I do my very best to stay educated and do what ever is necessary to ensure my children have the tools they need to thrive. I share my stories and experiences in an effort to further grow and strengthen the online Autism community and to promote Autism Understanding and Acceptance.
Author Archive | Stuart Duncan

Father’s Day in the autism community is becoming something amazing

By on June 18, 2012 in Autism

Since getting involved in the autism community, particularly with my blog, I’ve gained a little extra attention simply for the fact that I’m a father. I knew, going in, that fathers speaking out was a rarity but I really had no idea just how rare. And while I enjoyed being given a little extra oomph to my voice by people willing to help get fathers heard a little more, I also kind of felt that I shouldn’t be taking it because… well, it’s really not fair. My voice was new, not yet established and even I wasn’t sure if I should be reaching a wider audience yet.

Still, as the years passed, I did get to meet some other fathers and I did get some more extra attention by those who were eager to hear from a dad for a change and started to feel more comfortable in my role… the autism father.

I was getting emails from other dads telling me how nice it is to hear that they’re not alone. Some of them even started blogs of their own. I was getting comments from moms telling me that they passed on something I wrote to their husbands and that they really liked it.

But this year… this year really takes the cake.

And I’m going to write now, a lot about me, but it’s not to gloat. Honest. It’s just that mine is the only perspective I have and don’t follow all of the mentions/articles/features that other dads have. But I will still highlight a few that I did notice.

Anyway, skip passed this next section if you want to get straight to the point because I am trying to make a point here.

A Father’s Point of View

something special magazine

Click for full size

This year, months ahead of time, I was contacted by Something Special Magazine because they wanted to feature a few “Dynomite Dads” for their June issue. It’s a magazine that distributes in only a few states but it’s growing and doing well and to be honest, for a guy sitting at home in a 10×10 room with no windows while my kids are playing, being in a print magazine is pretty awesome.

You can read the whole issue here or click on the thumb to the right to read the page that was about me.

A little closer to Father’s Day, I was contacted by Your Beautiful Child to be the guest featured father for Father’s Day morning. What an honour! And it really was a great show too, I think. Although the hour went by far too fast.

You can listen to my interview here.

On Father’s Day itself, I got mentions from fellow bloggers such as from Lou at Lou’s Land and also from resource sites including:

I even had a blog post of my own that was shared about quite a bit and another blog post of mine featured over at http://SpecialHappens.com as well.

 The rise of the fathers

The point is, which I alluded to earlier, is that father’s are getting noticed and being heard. It’s not that no one would listen before but that we just never tried. Well, ok, some did but not enough. Not nearly enough. There’s still not enough but this proves that more and more dads are getting out there and speaking up.

This proves that more and more people like what we’re saying and want to hear more.

So yes, I shared mostly links to what I had going on but many of those links include more links to other fathers and to other resources with more fathers. Check them out!

Go find those dads… you might not agree with some, that’s to be expected. But some of them may have some very fresh perspectives which may really grab your attention.

And if you’re a dad and you see all these other dads out there, jump right in! Start your own blog, start commenting on other’s blogs, start up a Twitter account.. what ever.

Just, let us hear you. I’ve already proved that people want to.

If you’re still not convinced, check out this video from ABC where they talked to Lou from Lou’s Land… a father.

For more incentive, check out these other great dads:

Yeah, I’m pretty thrilled with the attention I got this Father’s Day. How can I not be? Still, the best part of the day wasn’t all the hoopla at all.

The day started with an email from a man in Florida who simply said that he read my story and now, no longer feels alone.

I can’t even begin to describe to you how great that feels. What a brilliant way to start the day!

Father’s Day is over now, but there’s a whole year to find more dads that are willing to speak up, to give more dads the attention they deserve and to make next Father’s Day even better.

It’s very exciting to me. I’ve seen so much change in so very little time.

Fathers, you rock!

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This one is for the dads

By on June 17, 2012 in Parenting

daddy saddleHere’s to the dads that don’t mind changing diapers, doing the feedings, getting up at night, running the errands, cleaning up the messes and all the other baby things.

Here’s to the dads that have no problem pitching in with dishes, laundry or other chores around the house.

Here’s to the dads that don’t make their wives attend all of their children’s appointments/meetings/events/etc on her own. No matter what their schedule, they make the time.

Here’s to the dads that get up early with their children, miss out on week-ends with friends, don’t get to travel like they used to and may not get out to the sporting events that they once did… and though they miss some of the freedoms of the past, they wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Here’s to the dads that see mostly moms doing the talking online and at conventions and decide to get involved too.

Here’s to the dads that are stay at home parents while their wives work. Despite what society may or may not think, they deserve every bit as much recognition as stay at home mother’s do.

Here’s to the dads that understand that having a special needs child may mean giving up on the dreams that they had for their child but that their child’s future is going to be wonderful and amazing anyhow and will encourage, nurture and support them every step of the way.

Here’s to the dads that are single parents, despite the fact that history and tradition have not prepared them at all and tells them that they can’t do it.

Here’s to the dads that will play with dolls, roll in the dirt, talk on toy phones and do anything else their child needs them to do… even in public.

Here’s to the dads that can work 3 jobs at a time when they have to, to provide for their family, and still manage to find time for family too.

Here’s to the dads who stuck around when all they could think about was leaving.

Becoming a father and being a dad are two different things.

Here’s to you… the friend, role model, strongest person in the world, the vanquisher of monsters, the guy who slips their kid a dollar or a treat even when mom says no… you’re the man of the house and with that you deserve more than just a day.

You’re a dad. It’s who you are.

Here’s to you. For being you.

Happy Father’s Day.

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Jackson’s Journey – Where no one should ever have to go

By on June 15, 2012 in Charity

Do you know what a Hemispherectomy is? Wikipedia describes it as “a very rare surgical procedure where one cerebral hemisphere (half of the brain) is removed or disabled.”

On Friday, June 29th, at 2pm, a sweet little boy named Jackson is going to be the next person to have a Hemispherectomy.

Taken from Moving Forward… to Neurosurgery:

“J has autism, cerebral palsy, sensory processing disorder and intractable (untreatable) epilepsy.  A form of epilepsy called LKS / ESES.  His brain is in a spike and wave pattern that, among other damages, does not allow REM sleep…the sleep needed to consolidate the days events…allowing learning to happen.  Spike and wave equivocates to his brain firing in attempts of physical manifestations of seizures…. the damage being done is pervasive.”

Jackson’s mom, Gina from http://specialhappens.com is very well known in the special needs blogging community, often giving of herself and providing far more information than most “professional” sites ever have.

And now it’s time to help her out and to help Jackson continue his journey through and beyond his surgery.

They will be hosting a FUNraiser in their town, which you are more than welcome to attend. Information is here: http://jacksonsjourney.specialhappens.com/jumpstarting-jacksons-journey-funraiser

Also, you can help out with a donation, if you can’t attend, by going here: https://rally.org/jacksonsjourney/donate

I know that, being online, especially in the special needs community, we get asked to donate a lot. And we’re forced to pick and choose because as we are in the special needs community ourselves, we don’t have that much to spare as it is.

But I ask you to consider.. what if it was your child. What if you had to bring your child to the hospital, knowing that half of his/her brain was about to be disconnected? How would you feel? How much help would you need?

They’re a strong family. I know that just by reading Gina’s posts and articles. But as strong as they are, they’re going to need a little support as they continue on this journey.

If donating still isn’t something that you can do, then perhaps you could consider cards (bought or made), videos, pictures, flowers, toys or anything that you think might help to brighten up the hospital room which will be home to Jackson for some time following the surgery.

If you have something that you’d like to send, please send it to:

Special Happens / St. Aubin Family
9609 S. University Blvd., #630303
Littleton, CO 80163

 

Please visit the Jackson’s Journey website and read about why this is necessary, how they prepare for it and… what comes next.

Don’t do it for me. Do it for Jackson, because he doesn’t deserve these problems but he does deserve our help.

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Latest research suggests that antidepressants are causing fish to be autistic

By on June 7, 2012 in Autism
autistic fish

Autistic fish?

A new study coming out of NewScientist.com says Antidepressants in water trigger autism genes in fish and suggests “only 324 genes associated with autism in humans appeared to be significantly altered” due to there being antidepressants in the water.

First of all, I’m no scientist so I’d probably sound pretty funny to one when I ask exactly what genes or parts of the brain in a fish can so closely resemble that of a human that they could be absolutely certain. I’ve sounded pretty funny asking dumber questions though.

The “well, isn’t that just ironic” part of me finds it to be perfectly laughable when you consider how many years and how many doctors prescribed antidepressants as a treatment for autism. If the stuff diluted in water can trigger it… what does the concentrated stuff do to people/kids that already have autism?

Not that it matters much since new studies have found that antidepressants don’t really work as a method for treatment for autism anyway.

Which would make sense if this fish thing actually does hold water. Ooh… bad expression to use.

Somehow, fish in autism just seems extremely odd. Even more so than when scientist worked to re-create autism in mice.

Granted, it is extremely important to continue the work to discover the cause, or maybe not what causes it, rather what is the fundamental difference in people that makes one autistic or not autistic… still though, I can’t help but feel that they’re really stretching for answers with studies such as this.

I would love to be in a boardroom when someone says “how about we spend tons of money and see if these drugs make these fish autistic” and the people with money go “Sure! Great idea!”

Because I can’t get money for much of anything around my house and that person sounds like someone I really need to learn from.

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Being accepting of autistics that wish for a cure for autism

By on June 4, 2012 in Autism

A recent news story, filled with a lot of science and interesting information, also included the insight from a man with autism, named Jeff Hudale.

You can read the news story here, in fact, I suggest you do: What’s Different About The Brains Of People With Autism?

Now, the science behind the story and the things that they are finding out about the human brain, specifically the differences between the typical and autistic brains, are really quite amazing.

But I would like to focus on the very last part of this piece, where Jeff Hudale states:

“I don’t want to quit until they finally can get this set right and get this thing eradicated,” he says. “I’d like to have some semblance of, just be a regular person like everybody else.”

There’s been a lot of talk about this through out the autism community but despite the attention it’s attracting, I see very very little (none to be honest) support or even acceptance of his feelings.

The general consensus that I see from people is that it’s sad that he feels this way and that he’s simply confused. That somehow it’s the life time of bullying, judging and other messages he receives either intentionally or unintentionally, that has caused this man to think of his autism in such a negative light.

There’s a lot to take in there as you begin to wonder if his parents had pushed for a cure or treated him differently because he was “broken.” Keep in mind, at 40+ years old, his diagnosis came at a much different time than how things are today.

Was he raised to be proud of himself or to always be aware of his differences. Did he read a lot of what the media had to say about autism and reflect those things inward?

Did years of bullying or lack of friends cause him to hate autism for making him the way he is?

Generally, it comes down to outside forces.

Put it this way, when we generalize his reaction into a “who said what to make him feel this way”, we are sort of dismissing him entirely and “putting the blame” on others.

That’s a nice way to look at it, to be honest. It means there is nothing wrong with him, it’s society that got to him and made him think this way.

However, the “nice way to look at it” isn’t always the honest way to look at it.

See, I like this news article because it’s honest and real. He is not the first autistic I’ve heard of, or even talked to, that has expressed a desire to be rid of autism. Or to use the “fighting words” version… to be cured.

I think, and this may just be me, but not everyone needs to “just accept it” and “just be proud of it”… some people don’t and never will. They simply wish that they do not have autism.

While it’s not the approach I take nor is it what I suggest, as it is obviously negative and self defeating, it is a reality.

not okIt’s a reality that should not be hidden or ignored.

Sure we could just say that Mr. Hudale should just be happy with himself despite what anyone else thinks but that’s what we think of his life.

That might not be so easy for him to think, nor is it a requirement. We can’t just demand that of him.

Wouldn’t that be more of the “stop thinking so differently and conform to what the rest of us believe!” mentality anyway?

Besides, this line of thinking ignores the simple fact of what autism really is… a disorder or disability.

There are a great many struggles, heart aches, things you can’t do, negative messages and so much more that you have to live with for your entire life when you have autism.

Some examples for some autistics include never going anywhere loud (concerts, subways, movies, etc), never being able to play sports, never being able to make friends and the list goes on and on. I couldn’t possibly list every possible thing that autism could limit or cause you to never experience at all.

There is just so much negative in life that comes with having a disability (or disorder) that it would be a bit naive to assume that it’s only due to bullies or other people that a person would wish to not have that disability.

Now, I’m not saying that it’s never the case. I think it’s safe to say that some people do hate autism or what ever disability they may have simply because of how it causes others to treat them or how others look at them.

Perhaps some of those people could grow to accept and maybe even love having autism if only people were more accepting of them.

But I think it would be a stretch to think that is true of every single person.

Some people may just wish to no longer have autism because they simply do not want to have autism. No matter their age, no matter what others say or do, no matter what you or I think they should feel… they just don’t want to be autistic anymore.

And we need to be accepting of that too.

Acceptance means we that don’t judge people for how they feel or what they think whether or not we agree or even understand it.

That goes for people who are not proud of having autism. Not just the people that are.

Let’s talk to them. Not ignore or dismiss them.

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