About Stuart Duncan

My name is Stuart Duncan, creator of http://www.stuartduncan.name. My oldest son (Cameron) has Autism while my younger son (Tyler) does not. I am a work from home web developer with a background in radio. I do my very best to stay educated and do what ever is necessary to ensure my children have the tools they need to thrive. I share my stories and experiences in an effort to further grow and strengthen the online Autism community and to promote Autism Understanding and Acceptance.
Author Archive | Stuart Duncan

A bit of fatherly advice

By on March 20, 2012 in Parenting

father-childEvery parent’s wish is for their children to have a better life than they did… whether rich, poor, big family or small… we only want our children to get the most out of life, and to do so better than we did before them.

Not everyone has the same advice on how to do that and sometimes we down right disagree with others, that’s fine.

So today, I am writing this for my two boys, Cameron and Tyler:

1. Risks

Through out my life, I’ve had a lot of my ideas pushed aside by family and friends that told me that they’d be too risky to try. Take the safe job, make the safe choice, don’t speak up for yourself or you might lose something…  avoid risk!!

If I could go back, I’d tell myself not to listen to any of them.

Sure, some of those ideas were really bad ideas. Maybe some would have failed. Maybe even all of them.

Maybe some would have succeeded too though.

Either way, it doesn’t matter… because right now, I wouldn’t be regretting having not tried. To at least try means that today, right now, I’d have gained the experience that comes with trying. I’d be one step closer to knowing what things didn’t work which would mean that I’d be one step closer to knowing what will work.

Maybe I’d have really really liked one of those things. Sometimes you never know you love something until you try it. Perhaps I’d have loved one of those things so much that the risk would have been worth doing it… and worth doing it again and again.

2. See things through

For all the things I didn’t try, there were still things that I did try… things that required less risk, or no risk at all. The problem with those things was that I’d never see them through.

I’d start something and lose interest, get distracted by life or simply be unable to finish due to my own short comings. What does that mean? It means I didn’t push myself hard enough to know how or to be able to finish what I started.

It is far worse to never finish than it is to fail and end with valuable experience.

3. Embrace the critics, ignore the haters

There is a very big difference between a critic and a hater.

Haters will do their best to tempt you into an argument or to spark your anger. Their jabs have no substance except to incite emotion.

A critic, on the other hand, may be harsh at times, but will offer real observations and sometimes even advice for moving beyond what is revealed in those observations. A critic doesn’t care if you take their criticism or not; or if you get mad or not. They do not speak to anger. They speak to offer criticism. Listen to them. Learn from them.

Critics are the voice of your failures and failures are the experience you take with you when you do something better next time.

4. No one was ever able to stand out by blending in

If there is one thing that school pounds into you, it’s to blend in. Do what everyone else is doing and they might accept you, be different and they will likely laugh or even bully you.

I’m going to tell you a secret that you might not believe until later… school doesn’t matter. The kids at school don’t matter. What you learn at school doesn’t matter. Trying to fit in with all of that will only result in one thing… you won’t matter either.

Be different. Be proud. Stand up and stand out and do it so well that people take notice.

When you think about all of the greatest people in the world, think about what they do to be the greatest. Do they try to do what everyone else is doing or do they try to be different?

Don’t worry about better or worse. Because you will be worse. But you will also be better. That isn’t what it’s important. It’s not always the best that stand out. It’s not always the best that are remembered.

Just be who you are and don’t ever let anyone tell you that you need to blend in. You do not need to blend in. Not in school. Not ever.

5. Don’t let fear stop you

Dads aren’t supposed to be afraid of anything, but we are. We’re afraid of a lot of things. Sometimes the same things that you’re afraid of. The only difference is that it doesn’t let it stop us, or at least, it shouldn’t. But even dads are human.

I’ve let my fear stop me a lot of times. Remember #1? Risks? That’s what I’m talking about. When a risk seems too big, like I might lose a lot… I let my fear get the better of me and I didn’t even try.

There’s nothing wrong with being afraid of the risk. There’s nothing wrong in being afraid of anything. But don’t ever let that fear be what stops you.

Let me put it another way, maybe you’re thinking of doing something really big but the risk in doing it isn’t worth the reward. That’s fine. Don’t do it. You’re smart. That’s entirely different than not doing something because you’re afraid.

There were some things that I was smart to walk away from. Then there were also things I walked away from simply because I was afraid… that’s not smart.

6. Go for what you want

Figure out what you want. Figure out how to get it. And do it. No matter who says not to. No matter what the risks are. No matter how afraid you are. No matter who might be looking and thinking you’re strange for wanting it.

Do it. Do it for me. Do it for yourself.

You’re already a better person than I am. You have a much better life waiting for you than what I had. You just have to step up and do it.

From Dad

I am writing this for both of my sons, Cameron and Tyler.  It doesn’t matter that one has autism and one does not. This advice applies equally.

No two lives are the same, no two journeys are the same. That’s how it is supposed to be, with or without autism.

Do these things that I could not and you will be happy, I will be happy too.

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An attempt to make “autistic” into the new r-word

By on March 16, 2012 in Autism

If you are in the autism community in some form or another, chances are that you’ve already heard all about the uproar surrounding the new 21 Jump Street movie… if not, keep reading.

So 21 Jump Street was a rather popular television show back in the day, in fact, it launched the career of several people including Johnny Depp.. and one other person quite well known within the autism community, Holly R. Peete.

Now, they’re making a movie by the same name but instead of teenage angst, real life, drama and emotion, it’s a ridiculously stupid comedy filled with cheap laughs.

Don’t get me wrong, I happen to love stupid comedies. I laugh even at cheap laughs.

The problem is that in one particular trailer, the one guy looks at a chart that his officers made and says “That looks like s#!t. What are you, autistic?”

Enter the uproar.

You can see it for yourself, it happens around the 3:31 mark:

?t=3m31s

At this point, I want you to re-watch it and this time, imagine he’s saying the word “retarded” in place of autistic. See now what their intention was?

This is simply not ok. This is simply wrong.

There’s many reasons, but let’s look at two of them:

First of all, anyone who knows anything about autistics knows that, while not all autistics are super organized or particularly amazing at building charts… if you were going to go by the stereotype, as is the intention here, you’d expect that thing to be freakin immaculate. Let me put it this way, if they are going for the whole rain man of over the top stereotypical, stupidly, outrageously funny offensive things to say about autistics, that thing would have been the best damn chart anyone has ever seen.

So ya, they clearly don’t even know what they’re talking about if they can’t get the stereotype right… not that it would have been right either but certainly closer to some semblance of reality.

Secondly, this opens a door that starts a journey down a very dark road. Stereotypes, innuendo and hate in general don’t start out at full force… it starts small.

And if this is the type of precedent they’re trying to set for stereotypical movie humour about autism… let’s just say that none of us would want to see where that road will lead.

I’m all for overly exhagerated stereotypes in search of a laugh… I’m all for the extremely over done ridiculousness of what is real in an attempt to get a chuckle… but this is not ok.

For the record, Holly R. Peete, who makes a cameo in the new movie, has said that she had read the script in advance and that line was not in there at the time.

On Twitter, she said:

So thrilled that #21Jumpstreet is getting such critical acclaim- The show brand means everything to me-so proud to an OG but as a mom of a son w/ autism I’d be totally disingenuous to say I was not bothered by the use of the word “autistic” in the film. I’ve reached out to Sony PR & co-director Phil Lords re:why the choice of “autistic” as a punchline is so upsetting to our community.
Phil Lord co-director of #21Jumpstreet said re: “autistic” line: “We set out to make a funny, irreverent & outrageous movie but not to hurt anyone’s feelings. Our stars are the butt of all our jokes and we feel terrible and deeply sorry that anyone would feel otherwise.”

You can read the tweets here:

https://twitter.com/#!/hollyrpeete/status/180375413527298049
https://twitter.com/#!/hollyrpeete/status/180376189796487168
https://twitter.com/#!/hollyrpeete/status/180383033591992321

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What the r-word means until it means something to you

By on March 7, 2012 in Special Needs

To those who do not understand what the problem is with the “r-word”:

The r-word…  retard. It’s a funny little slang word that can be used to describe so many things, situations….  people. It’s a word that’s causally thrown around, used without thinking about it…  it doesn’t really mean anything.

Right?

Perhaps, if you do not have anyone in your family that has a disability or special need… it really doesn’t mean much to you. And so you don’t get it. Why do people make such a big deal about it? Why do so many people get so upset about a word that you don’t even give a second thought to?

Well, let’s fast forward a few years, actually, a lot of years and let’s say you’re now approaching your 80’s. You have children, grand children and loved ones beyond that. And then you have a stroke and in an instant… a large portion of your brain function is no longer available to you. You’re still smart, you still remember everything, you still love everyone… but now you struggle to say the things you’re thinking, you struggle to use your hands with precision…. you simply… struggle.

How would it feel if your children started calling you a retard? Your grandchildren? Ok, maybe not directly, but let’s put it this way…

One day you try to pick up a glass of water, it slips and crashes to the floor. A short while later in the day, you grandchild goes to pick up their plate, drops it and it smashes to the floor. Out of frustration, that grandchild says to themself: “Ugh, I’m such a retard sometimes!”

Ouch.

Perhaps that’s too far off, let’s put yourself a little closer to your present self as say… 20 years off from now, where you’re now a working and capable adult and your child has just been born into the world of limitless possibilities and wonder.

And then the doctor informs you that there have been complications. It’s nothing you did, it’s nothing they did… it’s just one of those things, right?

Something strange happens from that point on, where you begin to see your child as a determined fighter, a winner, an against all odds victor over anything that the world can throw at them and you love them so much more for it. It wasn’t one complication… it was a life long complication that has only made you and your child stronger.

Over time, you start to realize that the strange thing that I referred to earlier is actually that your perception is no longer that of your friends….

Where they still see a disability, you see strength.
Where they see failure, you see success.
Where they see retard… you see your child.

One day you try to get your child into a nice school in the neighborhood but they turn you away. They can’t accommodate your child and your child’s needs. Another parent is getting their child into the same school and asks why “that other parent and kid were turned away?”, the administrator tells them that your child has special needs and can’t be accepted. The kid, thinking you can’t hear, says “he wants to bring his disabled kid to this school? That’s retarded.”

Ouch.

The world hasn’t changed, you have. Now, instead of not giving that word a second thought… you do give it a second, third and fourth thought as it hurts you to the core.

It now means more to you than you ever thought it could… more than you ever thought it should.

And you speak up, and those kids don’t get you… they don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal about a word that they’ve never given a second thought and in that instant, you see yourself in those kids. You see what you were missing.

So perhaps it doesn’t matter right now, perhaps it’s just a funny silly little word… but some day it will hurt. It will hurt a lot.

Whether it’s you, your child, grand child, cousin…  friend… it doesn’t matter. One day you’ll hear someone use that word and it will hit close to home and it will bother you. It will bother you a lot.

It’s not a funny silly little word. It’s a stereotype. It’s a label. It’s a knife in the heart. And not to a stranger… to someone close to you, maybe even yourself.

You didn’t even give it a second thought.

Click the image below to learn even more and to get involved… let’s help people to understand what it really means when you use the r-word.

end the r-word

Comments { 9 }

Sleeping with autism

By on March 5, 2012 in Autism

By the title, you’d probably be expecting a post on how some children with autism struggle to sleep through the night or what techniques people use to get more consistent sleeping patterns… actually, this post isn’t about that.

Actually, what I do want to write about is something a bit unexpected, not a huge surprise but certainly wonderful. See, if you were to check in on my boys right now (at night), you’d see that they’re both crammed into one single little bed, asleep together.

Don’t want to sleep alone

My boys have always slept in the dark, in the quiet and on their own. We’ve never used night lights or anything and so they’ve never had any issues with needs or fears. They just go to bed at bed time and that’s that.

However, recently, my little one (Tyler, 4) has been asking that he have someone sleep with him. Usually me but sometimes my wife. It’s not because he’s scared… he just wants us with him.

Now, these are small beds… I don’t fit in one when I’m by myself, much less with a child beside me.

So there has been a couple of times that I’ve laid with him, usually I can’t because I have other things to do and then some other times I just won’t because I don’t want him becoming dependent on that sort of thing happening every night.

Autism and Empathy

Cameron and Tyler

Cameron and Tyler

This is where his big brother, Cameron (6 with autism) comes in.

The other night, I went to check on them and they were both crammed into Tyler’s bed. It wasn’t pretty. Neither one of them stays still for long in their sleep.

The next day, I asked him why he was in Tyler’s bed and he said “I just wanted to make Tyler happy.”

Now, there are strange rumours and beliefs by some people that people with autism, especially children, lack empathy. Meaning that they can’t understand how others feels, don’t identify with them and most absurdly… don’t care. This is obviously not true. I mean, not always… there certainly can be times that they won’t understand or even care, just like anyone, but when you add it all up, it’s not true that autistics are completely incapable of it.

This was certainly a great testament to that… Cameron, wanting to make his little brother happy, got out of bed and climbed in with Tyler so that he could have someone to sleep with.

They don’t do it often, thankfully, but when Tyler is really upset about it, Cameron goes on over and hops into Tyler’s bed. How can I get upset about that?

It’s awesome!

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Autism Study of the Month: Co-occurring Conditions and Change in Diagnosis in Autism Spectrum Disorders

By on February 22, 2012 in Autism Study of the Month

autism magnetsCo-occurring Conditions and Change in Diagnosis in Autism Spectrum Disorders

Source: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/129/2/e305.abstract?sid=17b1810d-43f8-4c01-aff1-94a64941a94b

Abstract

OBJECTIVE: This study aimed to investigate descriptive characteristics and co-occurring neurodevelopmental and psychiatric conditions in young children, children, and adolescents with a current and consistent or past but not current (PBNC) diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and how such characteristics and conditions may engender a change in diagnosis of an ASD.

METHODS: Cross-sectional data of 1366 children with a parent-reported current or PBNC ASD diagnosis were obtained from the National Survey of Children’s Health 2007 data set across 3 developmental stages: young children (aged 3–5 years), children (aged 6–11 years), and adolescents (aged 12–17 years). Multinomial logistic regression was used to examine demographic characteristics and co-occurring conditions that differentiate the groups with a current ASD from groups with a PBNC ASD.

RESULTS: Results indicated the co-occurring conditions that distinguish groups currently diagnosed with an ASD from groups with a PBNC ASD diagnosis. In young children, current moderate/severe learning disability, and current moderate/severe developmental delay; in children, past speech problem, current moderate/severe anxiety, and past hearing problem; and in adolescents, current moderate/severe speech problem, current mild seizure/epilepsy, and past hearing problem.

CONCLUSIONS: These findings suggest that the presence of co-occurring psychiatric and neurodevelopmental conditions are associated with a change in ASD diagnosis. Questions remain as to whether changes in diagnosis of an ASD are due to true etiologic differences or shifts in diagnostic determination.

Translation

They studied differing age groups of children that were previously diagnosed with autism and found that some of them no longer fit the criteria for a diagnosis.

By the way, PBNC means Past But Not Current… as in, they had the diagnosis but now they do not.

What they do not know is why. Is it because they “grew out of it” or because they’re simply able to “fake it” now as they’ve grown and learned or is it something else?

My Opinion

This is simply my opinion of the story, stop reading if you do not want opinions and are happy just having read the details of the original study itself.

Now, the big problem with studies like this is the the amount of questions is brings up but obvious lack of answers. These types of scenarios tend to leave a lot open to the imagination and the media will simply eat that right up.

Some examples:

Can some children simply ‘grow out’ of autism? One mother tells how her son’s life has been transformed

Autism: Can it be outgrown?

These articles are full of assumptions right out of the gate.. dangerous assumptions. It’s one thing to give parents false hope when it’s possible there is none but it’s another to give them license to just do nothing. You see, while this certainly doesn’t say that all children will grow out of it, it does raise the question in some people’s minds… which may lead them to just leave it up to fate… chance… God. Which ever. They can now stop trying to improve their child’s life because if it’s meant to be… they’ll just grow out of it!

For all we know, it could be that the data they used before was faulty, perhaps many of those children were wrongly diagnosed…. perhaps these doctors are much better (or worse) at recognizing autism symptoms than the doctors that previously diagnosed the children?

We just don’t know. And therefore, to throw around statements such as the one in this news piece is very presumptuous and further more, dangerous.

In my opinion, you have to remember that autism is diagnosed by doctors that observe behaviors in a person. This means that these children truly can learn how to do the things that they couldn’t before, some of those things being criteria based symptoms that define autism. In other words, maybe a child masters the repetitive behaviors, the speech problems and continue to have other struggles in their lives. This would meant that they would no longer fit the criteria for an autism diagnosis and yet, they still very clearly have autism.

Then there truly are those that are misdiagnosed to begin with. There are possible reasons… for example, out growing may very well be a possible reason. But there are also other very likely possible reasons.

 

“Autism Study of the Month”
The purpose of the Autism Study of the Month series is to provide unpolluted (by the media) information about the studies released at least once a month in the study of possible Autism causes or risks.
You will find links to the actual studies, get to read the “abstract” of the study and, when possible, get the PR release from the source.
When it comes to science, let’s leave the media out of it.

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