About Stuart Duncan

My name is Stuart Duncan, creator of http://www.stuartduncan.name. My oldest son (Cameron) has Autism while my younger son (Tyler) does not. I am a work from home web developer with a background in radio. I do my very best to stay educated and do what ever is necessary to ensure my children have the tools they need to thrive. I share my stories and experiences in an effort to further grow and strengthen the online Autism community and to promote Autism Understanding and Acceptance.
Author Archive | Stuart Duncan

He has become self aware

Ok so my son isn’t a robot, but he does have some challenges that differ him from many other children, namely, Autism.

My two boys share the same bedroom which presents certain problems around bedtime. They tend to talk or play rather than go to sleep. This can be a bit of a problem when Cameron has school the next day. Like all children, he needs his sleep, but as a child with Autism, he needs it that much more or else his stimming and meltdown tendencies may become much more evident the next day.

In the past, I’ve separated them by putting one boy in my bed (mom’s bed, as they call it). I alternate between the boys so that they feel it’s fair but really, this is not the best solution. We can’t keep doing this until they get separate rooms, can we? What if I want to go to bed early?

Finally, one night, I decided to take on the discipline route… putting X’s on their behaviour chart, threatening to take something away. Finally, after being awake 2 hours later than their bed time (this was not a school night so I wasn’t hugely worried)… I said “that’s it… no video games and no television all day tomorrow!”

Sadly, this sounds like more of a punishment for my wife and I but ultimately it was a good thing. They needed a reminder that they have a lot of things they can do besides video games and television anyway, and it is also what would hurt the most.

So the entire next day, they moped around but found other things to do as they were supposed to. They even got a treat just before bed, since they handled their day so well, they got to watch Cat in the Hat on tv for 30 mins before bed.

The next day things were back to normal, and come bed time, I asked Cameron “Do you want to sleep in your bed tonight? Remember though, if you talk and play instead of going to sleep, you get no video games or tv tomorrow.”

Cameron thought about it for a little while, like… really thought about it… and said “uhmm… maybe I can sleep in mom’s bed tonight?”

Wow. Did he seriously just figure that one out on his own? I mean, he must have realized that in his room, he would be far too tempted to talk and play. In all that serious thinking he did, he must have realized that if he was in his bed, there’s no way he’d be able to resist the temptation to play.

Rather than risk it, he opted for the separation right from the start. Not just opted for it, but suggested it. I didn’t even include that as an option in my question.. I implied that it was an option by asking, but didn’t make it an option for a very specific reason.

The reason I titled this article “He has become self aware” is because this has been a big focus for me… to have him recognize upcoming hazards and avoid them by suggesting something better. Stop and think about your own child that has Autism and question how often this happens.. it’s really not an easy thing to do when your mind is so focused on the “here and now”.

As with many things in my blog, this is only a first step and certainly not going to dictate his actions/thoughts for his life but this is a great first step, I think. He’s become aware of his limitations and suggested a course of action to get the results he desires.

Good job Cameron!

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Let me just make one thing very clear…

Let’s talk about vaccines for a minute. It’s not my favourite topic because I feel it’s the one topic that breaks apart the Autism community when we really should be standing up together and supporting each other.

First and foremost let me say, no, I do not believe that vaccines cause Autism. That does not mean that I do not think that there could be situations where a vaccination could trigger an already pre-existing condition (like Autism for example) which would cause a regression.

Do I think vaccines are perfectly safe? No, of course not. Not even their inventors and marketers think they’re perfectly safe. Everyone knows there is a certain % of people that have adverse reactions, allergic reactions, side effects and sometimes, even cause death.

Do I think that the recent Wakefield news means anything in regards to the vaccine risks? No. They simply proved that he lied, fabricated his evidence and findings. It doesn’t prove anything about what vaccines do or do not do though, just that his findings didn’t prove anything one way or another.

I have said since day one that if you have concerns, ask your doctor a million questions and demand a schedule that you feel more comfortable with but please please please do not deny vaccinations entirely.

Here’s the thing, this is where I think that things have gone wrong:

  1. People forget what these illnesses can do and what they’re like.
    Most of them don’t sound so bad, most of them many people had as children themselves and again, weren’t so bad. But you’re remembering and thinking of a very small piece of an entirely much larger picture. These simply “cough and get over it” illnesses do kill people! Some disfigure, some kill.. some simply clog the medical community with thousands upon hundreds of thousands of hospital visits.
  2. People think that an all but gone illness can’t come back.
    If it’s not gone, it can come back. In fact, that’s the very nature of these illnesses in the first place… to spread! It’s particularly ironic in a country like the US where most people complain about the immigration rates that they’d possibly think that an illness that still inhabits other countries could never actually find their way back in.
  3. People forget that there are babies, elderly and other lower immunity tolerance people out there.
    Yes, measles as a kid is rough, but in a senior citizen? Deadly. Whooping cough means a hospital visit for most people, it means almost certain death for a baby. When you or I talk about the illnesses these vaccines prevent, we picture ourselves and our children but in reality, much like the flu, it can kill people that are less equipped to fight it off.

Listen, without vaccines, I believe that by now, we’d probably be seeing a word wide population decrease at this point, rather than our continuing increase.  If nothing else, we’d certainly have far less medical resources to be keeping us healthy. I mean, think about it… how bad is health care where you are?? How bad would it be if a few million people every year were in there with all these diseases that are preventable?

Do I promote getting vaccines? Yes.
Do I also promote safe vaccine schedules? Yes.
Do I promote more research into all of the dangers of vaccines? Yes.
Do I promote more research into finding better and safer ingredients to be used in vaccines? Yes!

The way I see it, if they can pump out a newer and better cell phone every 3 months, they can have new and better vaccines as well.

Don’t ever make the mistake of thinking that I am happy with the way things are… or that I think a certain % of vaccine injuries or deaths is just acceptable. The numbers can always be improved!

But don’t ever think that I am supposed to be out there inciting fear, panic and further division within the Autism community. That simply is not my goal. I understand if it’s not yours either but let’s be honest, many who do hate vaccines, and vaccine makers, do push the boundaries too far. They want others to share in their hatred. They want others to take up a pitchfork and fight along side them.

I am not that person.

Ask for a safer schedule, petition to have more research and safer vaccines created. But never think that not preventing many illnesses is a good way to maybe lower the risk of Autism.

Stop listening to Wakefield, stop listening to anti-vaccination people, stop listening to conspiracy theorists, stop listening to pharmaceutical companies, stop listening to marketers, stop listening to pro-vaccination people… stop listening to me!

Use some common sense, use some rational thinking… do your research, do your reading. Look at the numbers, look at the history. Ask yourself, if it’s all a risk, if it’s all about choosing from bad and bad, why would you opt for denying what you know will be prevented?

Option A prevents X, Y, Z and may cause Q
Option B prevents nothing, so you may get X, Y, Z and still may cause Q anyway
Which makes more sense??

My wife suggested that I make my blog’s tagline “using common sense”… because I pride myself in doing just that. That’s all that I see in this matter, is to use common sense.

Fight for safer vaccines. Fight for a safer schedule. Fight for more safety with our children!!

But never forget that safer actually means taking the vaccines. It does save lives.

This is my official stance on vaccines. I know it’s a hot topic, I know not everyone will agree. Please do not get mad if you don’t. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and as such, I would never think poorly of you for yours. We need to support each other in pushing for the discovery of the true cause, a way to help those that have Autism and for more resources in schools, work, housing and more. Let’s work together.

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The scariest part of going grocery shopping with our son

Today my wife took my boys shopping for groceries and as always, it can be tiring keeping an eye on them, answering all their questions, stopping them from running around, from grabbing/touching everything and so on and so forth.

But what proved to be, and continues to be the most difficult aspect is the parking lot. It’s also the scariest.

parking lot

Danger everywhere

The parking lot is scary enough just because children are children… they don’t recognize the dangers as well, they aren’t as aware of their surroundings as well, they simply aren’t in control of themselves as well.

What makes it so much worse for a child with #Autism is that they lack the ability to focus and to maintain disciplined motor skills.

A parking lot presents a lot of stimulation to overwhelm a young child’s mind, with people everywhere, cars either moving or sitting still, lights, the weather, not knowing where to go, the smells… plus, many children see it as a big area to play in.

For a child with Autism, it can overwhelm them just as much as any area inside the store except that a parking lot has a lot more dangers.

While walking towards the store, my wife had both of my boys holding onto the cart that she had grabbed, this way they’re always close. However, as a truck slowly crawled up along side them, Cameron still did what he often does when excited and overwhelmed… he walked with his arms flailing wildly at his sides and took steps as if the ground was wavering beneath him.

As the truck was nearly beyond them, he took one step wider to the side than normal, as if falling over.. my wife yanked him back quickly because if she hadn’t, his foot would have been run over by the truck’s back tire.

Imagine, you’re doing everything right with keeping your children close, they have a hand on the cart, you’re watching everything and in less than a second, a single wild step could mean a trip to the hospital, or worse.

Often when people talk about grocery shopping with child that has Autism, the discussion focuses around meltdowns, over stimulation and other parents being judgmental. Really though, we need to recognize and remember that getting in and out of the store is the most dangerous part and needs to be handled with care.

Here are some tips, that we’ve learned through trial and error, on getting through the parking lot safely.

  1. Grab a cart as soon as you can after leaving your vehicle. Then:
    a. Put your child(ren) in the cart for a fun bumpy ride.
    b. Put your child(ren) between you and the handle, so that your arms are around them. Let them push the cart to help out, but keep your hands on theirs or at least on the handle
    c. Make sure your children are making contact with the cart at all times so that, even if something unexpected does happen, you’re at least close enough to make a quick reaction.
  2. If you have no cart, keep your child between you and the parked cars so that the cars in motion are along side you, not them.
  3. Don’t take no for an answer. Children with Autism will be very reluctant to hold your hand but that’s just too bad. Do it anyway. Better a meltdown in the store than an accident in the parking lot.

My son was almost hurt today and my wife did everything right… in fact, it’s a good thing she did or else he very likely would have been injured.

The less your child is capable of focusing, the more you have to! Be aware at all times, do the things you need to do at all times. The consequences of a single moment in time that you let it slide could be too unbearable to think about.

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Turning obsession into good behavior

My boys each got handheld video games for Christmas, Cameron got the Nintendo DS and Tyler got a leapfrog. We knew that they’d like them but, as is the case with many children, they’ve become the subject of complete obsession. The first question in the morning is if they can play their games and it continues on until it’s the last question of the day.

If they had their way they’d be staring at those games through out the entire day.

Behavior ChartMy wife had the idea to get a large green piece of paper and make a chart for each of them. She filled the chart with all sorts of things from chores to bad behaviors and at the end of the day, we check to see what they did and didn’t do… for all the good things, they get a sticker, for the bad, they get an X.

An example of some of the chores would be putting dishes into the sink, tidying up their toys, making their beds… and some examples of the bad behaviors that made it onto the board are “no yelling”, “no hitting” and so forth. If at the end of the day, they didn’t fight, they get stickers. There are some good behaviors listed as well, of course, such as “playing nicely together” and “sharing”.

At the end of each day, we all gather at the chart and see what they did well and what they didn’t do or worse, got X’s on. The first day, Tyler cried when we asked him to turn off his game. Turning off their games without complaining is on the list. Well, for his outburst, he got an X.

Each day, when they ask to do something they like, such as playing their games, we review the chart for the day before. If they did well, then yes… they get some video game time. If they got X’s or missed a bunch of things, then they lose out on game time. That means they had better improve if they want to have game time the next day.

It’s an excellent lesson in cause and effect. I’m not sure this system will stay exactly as is but there’s no reason that this can’t continue on for many years… eventually moving on to dictating how much allowance they get when they’re older.

Hopefully, in time, it’ll sink in with them that their entire lives can be met with nice rewards if only they put in the effort in advance.

It’s definitely not a new system, I’m preaching to the choir by telling you all of this. I’m not trying to give you any new ideas, just let you know what we’re doing around the Duncan household these days. So far it’s been a huge success.

Oh, by the way, one thing I did want to mention though is that Cameron is 5.5 years old and Tyler is 3. Cameron has Autism, Tyler does not. This system can be started at any age really but I find that their ages right now are ideal.

It has especially been great for Cameron who so very desperately needs a good routine in his life. Not only does this give him a list of things to do each and every day but it encourages him to over come some of those basic Autism tendencies, such as hitting and meltdowns. When he begins to lose control, we remind him that he’ll get an X and lose out on game time tomorrow and it helps him to calm it back down.

The best part about it all, I think, is how proud they are each day of all the stickers they got for doing so well.

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The day that CNN phoned me – What they didn’t print

So CNN phoned me today to ask me about my reaction to the Wakefield “fraud” story and about 20 minutes later, I had said all I had to say on the subject.

As is normal in jounalism, 20 minutes of talk time generally gets you about 3 or 4 lines in a news story. In this case, I’m pretty happy with what they quoted from me, what do you think?

Few swayed by fraud finding in autism study

Here’s what they didn’t print.

“Do you believe Wakefield was honest or fraudulent?”

I honestly have no idea but what I do know is that it’s so strange that there is no real investigation, a criminal one. There are claims that he hurt the children, that he paid the children (or their parents) and that the results of all this, if the results are fraud, may have directly caused many deaths.

We’ve been hearing about this study for 13 years, it’s been discredited for several, he was disbarred last year and in all this time, we still have no real answers.

“Do you think this news story will change anything?”

No, I don’t. People who are anti-vaccination read the studies that support their stance. The people who are pro-vaccination read the studies that support their stance. Everything else, they each dismiss.

To be honest, I’m rather sick of anti-vaccination people pulling the 7 degrees of separation game with every doctor that finds no vaccine-autism link in an attempt to link them to some big pharmaceutical company. So some guy’s grandfather had a neighbor that worked as a janitor for some company… is that really a reason to believe he was paid off to say something just to discredit Wakefield?

Why does it work one way and not the other?

Why is it ok to find these links to discredit every doctor out there that says what you don’t agree with but you don’t even bother to question the very public, very obvious controversies surrounding the one doctor that does say what you agree with?

If you question one doctor, or a group of doctors, you have to question them all. Believe no one, do your own research… ALL OF IT.

“Did this story or any of the stories about this make you question vaccines?”

Not really, no. It was pretty clear my son had Autism before his MMR vaccinations and even if there was some question, I’d rather take the Autism risk than the disfigured or dead risk.

No, this controversy is the one big controversy that divides the Autism community and it makes me sick. I get asked the question a lot and usually I don’t answer because I don’t want one side or another hating me. I just want everyone to support each other.

I don’t believe we’ve found the one cause, I don’t even think there is just one cause. But I am pretty sure it’s not vaccines causing anything.

“What do you mean by this is the one controversy dividing the Autism community?”

Well, we’ve had studies, just in the last year or two, that have suggested links to Autism with living next to a highway, with IVF, with jaundice, with premature birth, with oxygen deprivation during birth, with tylenol during pregnancy, with flouride in the water… I could go on and on. Why aren’t people fighting over any of these studies? Why isn’t there some big panic over any of these things?

Why does this one issue have to be so huge that it’s causing people to snap? I mean, this morning a company that makes toys and products for Autistic children posted the link to the Wakefield story on their facebook page and some moms were furious… lashing out at this company for posting a story to discredit such a wonderful man, and to slam all these parents… and so on and so forth.

I mean, seriously. Calm down. They shared the latest Autism news. That’s all!

“So it’s been 13 years now, you said, you think that’s enough?”

Oh yeah. I mean, not a single soul will have their mind changed by these latest news articles. It simply adds fuel to the fire in terms of dividing the community even more. It prolongs the argument.

All this energy in fighting could be spent on getting more teachers out there that understand Autism, getting more employers that are patient enough to take on some Autistic teens, getting housing built that’s affordable and with available help to those adults with Autism that will need it.

I don’t know what the future holds for my son but if he gets to be my age and this argument is still going on, then he’ll have missed out on a lot of services and information that could have been made available if we could just move passed this.

“So why do you think that this continues then?”

People are very passionate about this, this is their children. There’s nothing you can be more protective of than your own child.

I feel bad for the parents who for a while have a normal child, who hugs and speaks and then shortly after they turn 2, they lose all words and no longer look them in the eye. I would look for someone to blame too. If they had just gotten vaccines, I would be pretty angry too.

No news story is going to convince them of anything. When you have that much anger and frustration, it’s passion. They’re fighting for their children.

How much time has been spent with us fighting?

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