About Stuart Duncan

My name is Stuart Duncan, creator of http://www.stuartduncan.name. My oldest son (Cameron) has Autism while my younger son (Tyler) does not. I am a work from home web developer with a background in radio. I do my very best to stay educated and do what ever is necessary to ensure my children have the tools they need to thrive. I share my stories and experiences in an effort to further grow and strengthen the online Autism community and to promote Autism Understanding and Acceptance.
Author Archive | Stuart Duncan

Learning So Fast He Shocked His Teacher!

By on June 2, 2010 in Autism

We just received a letter in Cameron’s backpack from his teacher. The letter read:

Hi Natalie & Stuart,

This was our morning message on Monday. Some days I have the boys provide the ideas for the sentences & this is what they came up with. After reading it through together, I got an older boy to read it. Then Cameron asked to read it by himself & was able to read all of it except the 4 words underlined.
Good reading Cameron!

This was the message on the board:


Happy Monday,
Cameron slept at memere’s house.
*boys name* is going with Mummy and Papa to get his casts back on.
*boys name* has no more training wheels!
*boys name* went to Sudbury.
*boys name* went swimming in Grandma’s pool.
Love, the La Casa boys
xxoo
* I removed the names of the other boys

Now, it’s not a huge shock to us or to his teacher that he can read the traditional beginner words, such as hat, cat and other words like that. (yes, I know I rhymed). What was a shock was when he volunteered, on his own, to get up and read all of that, entirely on his own and nearly got it all right!

I’m super happy just that he volunteered on his own, that he spoke up, that he wanted to do something that could have been potentially embarrassing in front of everyone!  But it blows me away on a whole other level that he can read “training wheels” and “grandma” and all those other words on his own!

Now, granted, some of it may have been fresh in his memory, they had just read it but also, keep in mind that these morning messages are new every day.

To watch him read, he’s just so very eager to be the one reading the stories himself. He has always been that way. I still have a video of him reading a story when he was 3… he didn’t even look at the words, he was just reciting from memory. But in his mind, he believed he was the one reading the story.

At this rate, he’ll be reading the Harry Potter books by the time he’s 6! And you know what? I firmly believe that if anyone could do it, it’s Cameron!

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Have Patience – Routines Are Hard Enough to Change Without The Autism!

By on June 2, 2010 in Autism

Imagine having something set in stone in your life, something you’ve done since you were a child… no matter what happened, you never missed it, or if you did, you were thrown off for the whole day. Now imagine someone asked you to stop, or change it…. right now!

I think that would be a pretty overwhelming task for even the strongest willed of us, humans are pretty good at being able to adapt but I think it’s safe to say that we’re really routine based creatures. We all go to school, we all work, we all live in this wacky social society system we’ve built up around ourselves.

Now imagine that your brain is wired differently where any slight deviation from your regular routine sends you into a turmoil of raw emotion that you can’t understand, much less control.

I can’t even pretend to know what that is like even though I witness it first hand from time to time.

You see, my son is about to turn 5 and he is Autistic. You have to understand that to a 5 year old, a routine that’s lasted 2 or 3 years is pretty much the majority of his life, certainly the portion of his life that he can remember clearly.

The reason I bring all this up is that many people forget what it is they’re doing when they ask a child to stay up later, walk a different route, take a different bus… even to have something else for breakfast because you’re out of their favourite cereal!

Routines take time to change or break, for everyone. But for an Autistc person, it may not be possible at all, but if it is, it will take even longer. Routine is the foundation to a clear mind, feeling safe and feeling in control.

The trick in all of this is to make others understand, to have others realize the difficulty involved. Even the ‘experts’ that recognize this, sometimes simply forget, or don’t realize the impact of their actions. One big area this affects many children is at school as it can be quite the dynamic setting.

Cameron’s teacher and helpers are really great and they write into a daily journal to let us know everything that happens, but one time, they let something slip through the cracks… we noticed a behavioural difference in Cameron but didn’t know the cause. It wasn’t until a while later that we were told that the Autistic children were moved from a private small area to play outside to the common large public area to play for their recess.

They thought they had told us but it never made it into our book… and so some time later, we finally realized why it was that Cameron was behaving slightly different lately. Once realized, we could address it and help him to understand and feel comfortable with it.

As with anything involving an Autistic child, don’t take anything for granted. The smallest detail to you and I can be very important to them.

If a routine must be changed, be prepared to have a lot of patience. Be prepared to be very understanding. Be prepared to weather a storm. Because you’re asking a lot from them, more than you may realize. The sooner you respect that, the better it will go.

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Reality vs Fantasy – Autism Chooses… Fantasy

By on June 1, 2010 in Autism

In Cameron’s case, he much prefers fantasy over reality because it helps him to do several things, including blocking out various things in reality that overwhelm him such as sounds, sights and smells. Also, it gives him control which is ultimately why anyone likes to day dream… he can get the specific answers he wants back to his questions if he’s asking an imaginary person.

I’d like to give you an example from this previous week-end, Cameron found a stop watch that looked somewhat similar to a cell phone. He knew full well that it was not actually a phone but for him, this gave him the opportunity to phone his grandmother and talk to her. He asked when she was coming to his house, what she was doing and had a full conversation.

Afterwards, I actually did call his grandmother and he absolutely refused to say a single word into the real phone. When I put the phone near him, he bent right over in order to avoid having it anywhere near his face and ear.

Many times we’ll ask Cameron if he wants to go outside, or to the park, or the beach… any number of places that we know he really enjoys and most often times he’ll say no. He’s quite content to just grab a couple of toys and pretend they are something they’re not but once we drag him out, he has a great time and doesn’t want to come back in.

Once put into the position he’s fine, but given the choice before hand, he’d much rather stay in his own fantasy world where he has control and feels safe.

Given that I’m older, not Autistic and have a better understanding of the world around us…. I can’t blame him for choosing fantasy.

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How Does He Remember That?

By on May 31, 2010 in Autism

When Cameron was only 1, I used to place a ball on my head and let it roll off onto the ground. This amused him and so I would have to do it for hours. That got old quick and time passed just as quick and suddenly my 3 year old boy came to me one day, with a ball and placed it on my head and let it roll off and laughed. 2 years had passed but he remembered it as if it was yesterday.

Fast forward to a 4 year old going to school for the first time, it’s September and he speaks to no one… he’s scared, he doesn’t understand why he’s separated from his parents and doesn’t know who those people are. They cover a lot each and every day, reading stories, learning numbers, letters and more… it’s really quite overwhelming for all of the children but they handle it well.

By April, all of the students are pretty well adjusted to the routine and they are all friends and everything is going just fine. The teacher pulls out a book that they hadn’t read since that awkward time back in September and begins to read it. Cameron perks up and not only remembers the book, but he remembers each page… he remembers who is in it, what happens to them… everything.

The teachers write back to us at the end of the day asking us if we have that book at home because he knew it so well.

Does this mean he has a photographic memory? I don’t think so, but I do think he’s able to file them much better than we can… where a pleasurable memory, one that he wants to keep close to his heart, is easily recalled any time later.

Ask him to remember someone’s name, or what someone had said and he’s not as capable… probably because it’s vocal and not visual. However he can also have trouble recalling visuals that he has no interest in.

How does he remember some things so well? I don’t think I’ll ever really know but it is strangely comforting to me to know that the really great times that we have together will never be forgotten, ever.

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Bad Behavior You Say? I Say, Be Thankful!

By on May 27, 2010 in Autism

Recently my son has taken to calling other people names, this type of behaviour is rather normal for all children really. They pick it up from movies, television, other children and really, anyone. Ever called your table stupid after you stubbed your toe on it? Children pick it up quickly.

We’ve tried to keep on top of that with Cameron, explaining to him how it is rude, not nice, hurts people… and so forth. He understands but it’s an emotional response so really, it’s just a matter of getting through it with him. In time, he’ll dial it down, I’m sure… I hope.

We moved a couple of months ago and so he was put onto a new bus, he rides on a special needs bus with a bus driver and another lady who talks to them, tells stories and so forth… a helper. So these were new people to Cameron added on to the fact that he didn’t want to be on a bus that was different from what he had come to accept as part of his regular routine.

As part of that old routine, Cameron used to fall asleep on the bus ride home from school, recharging his batteries for more play time at home, but on this new bus, the helper lady constantly tried to talk to him, interact with him… ultimately, annoy him.

The tension escalated until Cameron began calling her names, such as stupid and dumb… and screaming at her. The bus driver was not happy and told us, the parents, before going to file a report. Three reports and he is removed from the bus.

I can not begin to explain my confusion and frustration. This is a school bus for special needs children and him calling the lady stupid will have him removed?? I understand that it’s not exactly great that he does it but he’s a 4 year old with Autism.

I took a moment with the bus driver and explained myself, Cameron and the situation… it went something like this:

“Look, I’m not happy that he’s calling anyone names or saying hurtful things, but you have to understand that 1.5 years ago, he had yet to say his first word and we were told that he might not say anything for years. On top of that, many Autistic children are outright violent, even if not provoked. So yes, I wish he didn’t say mean things but to be speaking at all, and to be lashing out with words rather than fists… it’s a huge blessing to me! I still need to learn how to help him reel the things he says back in but in all honesty, I’m thankful that he’s capable of expressing himself.

I will work with him on stopping the name calling, but in the meantime, just leave him alone. If you continue to get in his space when all he wants to do is zone out, or sleep, then I can’t really blame him for lashing out like that. Just don’t give him any attention at that time of day unless he asks you and I’m sure you’ll be just fine.”

And sure enough, I haven’t heard a word about it again since. But that doesn’t mean I won’t bring it up again. This is supposed to be an environment that is supportive and understanding.. that little blue wheelchair symbol is on the side of the bus for a reason. I understand that they may not have formal training because they’re just driving a bus but that’s still no excuse.

If my child starts hitting you in the face while you’re trying to drive the bus, then yes… we have a problem. But if you get in his face and he calls you a name, I’m sorry, but I can’t be anything but thankful that he’s at the level he is. Because the alternative is a whole lot scarier.

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