Tag Archives | Autism

One Reason Why Children Do What They Do

Let’s be honest.  The truth is that sometimes we are totally baffled as to why our child with autism does the things s/he does!  If you’re the type of parent who’s open to new concepts, and I’ll bet you are, then I’d like to share one with you concerning challenging behaviors.  It’s called the Choice Law.

The Choice Law states that at any given moment children have choices…and they will always choose to do what they think will work for them!  Doesn’t matter whether they are boy or girl, tall or short, or mild to severe on the spectrum!  It’s the law and here’s what it says:

You do what you do because at some level (conscious or unconscious) you believe your choice of behaviors is going to benefit you.

It’s a very highly reliable law of behavior and if you take a few minutes to reflect back on your life history you’ll know that there’s truth to it.

Let me say it another way because it’s important that you get this:  if your child did not perceive his/her behavior as generating a positive outcome for himself he would not do it.  Plain and simple.  No matter how illogical or strange his behavior may seem he is engaging in it in order to create some potential beneficial result.

Let me state it yet another way because it’s really really important that you get this if you are going to successfully trouble-shoot challenging behaviors:  if your child chooses to engage in a behavior again and again it is because it produces (at least from his perspective) a potential beneficial outcome.  Conversely, if your child does not engage in a behavior again and again it is because it did not produce (from his perspective) a beneficial outcome!

Therefore, one of the first steps in reducing crisis behaviors or de-escalating crisis behaviors is to determine what the perceived beneficial outcome is from your child’s perspective.

But hold on because that’s not where I want to go with this blog post!

The direction that I want to move towards is the understanding and application of how this life law applies to YOU and how YOU respond to your child’s challenging behaviors.  If you’re like me, you’ve responded to your child in ways that causes you to shake your head in disbelief and ask yourself:

  • “What is wrong with me?”
  • “Why on God’s earth do I keep doing that?”
  • “I hate myself when I do that, so why do I keep doing it?”

Good questions.  Answer:  people do what they think will work for them. But that’s just part of the story.

Let’s talk more about this idea applies to parents in my next post…

Author:  Michael Woods (Founder of Relational Crisis Prevention)

Comments { 1 }

Let me just make one thing very clear…

Let’s talk about vaccines for a minute. It’s not my favourite topic because I feel it’s the one topic that breaks apart the Autism community when we really should be standing up together and supporting each other.

First and foremost let me say, no, I do not believe that vaccines cause Autism. That does not mean that I do not think that there could be situations where a vaccination could trigger an already pre-existing condition (like Autism for example) which would cause a regression.

Do I think vaccines are perfectly safe? No, of course not. Not even their inventors and marketers think they’re perfectly safe. Everyone knows there is a certain % of people that have adverse reactions, allergic reactions, side effects and sometimes, even cause death.

Do I think that the recent Wakefield news means anything in regards to the vaccine risks? No. They simply proved that he lied, fabricated his evidence and findings. It doesn’t prove anything about what vaccines do or do not do though, just that his findings didn’t prove anything one way or another.

I have said since day one that if you have concerns, ask your doctor a million questions and demand a schedule that you feel more comfortable with but please please please do not deny vaccinations entirely.

Here’s the thing, this is where I think that things have gone wrong:

  1. People forget what these illnesses can do and what they’re like.
    Most of them don’t sound so bad, most of them many people had as children themselves and again, weren’t so bad. But you’re remembering and thinking of a very small piece of an entirely much larger picture. These simply “cough and get over it” illnesses do kill people! Some disfigure, some kill.. some simply clog the medical community with thousands upon hundreds of thousands of hospital visits.
  2. People think that an all but gone illness can’t come back.
    If it’s not gone, it can come back. In fact, that’s the very nature of these illnesses in the first place… to spread! It’s particularly ironic in a country like the US where most people complain about the immigration rates that they’d possibly think that an illness that still inhabits other countries could never actually find their way back in.
  3. People forget that there are babies, elderly and other lower immunity tolerance people out there.
    Yes, measles as a kid is rough, but in a senior citizen? Deadly. Whooping cough means a hospital visit for most people, it means almost certain death for a baby. When you or I talk about the illnesses these vaccines prevent, we picture ourselves and our children but in reality, much like the flu, it can kill people that are less equipped to fight it off.

Listen, without vaccines, I believe that by now, we’d probably be seeing a word wide population decrease at this point, rather than our continuing increase.  If nothing else, we’d certainly have far less medical resources to be keeping us healthy. I mean, think about it… how bad is health care where you are?? How bad would it be if a few million people every year were in there with all these diseases that are preventable?

Do I promote getting vaccines? Yes.
Do I also promote safe vaccine schedules? Yes.
Do I promote more research into all of the dangers of vaccines? Yes.
Do I promote more research into finding better and safer ingredients to be used in vaccines? Yes!

The way I see it, if they can pump out a newer and better cell phone every 3 months, they can have new and better vaccines as well.

Don’t ever make the mistake of thinking that I am happy with the way things are… or that I think a certain % of vaccine injuries or deaths is just acceptable. The numbers can always be improved!

But don’t ever think that I am supposed to be out there inciting fear, panic and further division within the Autism community. That simply is not my goal. I understand if it’s not yours either but let’s be honest, many who do hate vaccines, and vaccine makers, do push the boundaries too far. They want others to share in their hatred. They want others to take up a pitchfork and fight along side them.

I am not that person.

Ask for a safer schedule, petition to have more research and safer vaccines created. But never think that not preventing many illnesses is a good way to maybe lower the risk of Autism.

Stop listening to Wakefield, stop listening to anti-vaccination people, stop listening to conspiracy theorists, stop listening to pharmaceutical companies, stop listening to marketers, stop listening to pro-vaccination people… stop listening to me!

Use some common sense, use some rational thinking… do your research, do your reading. Look at the numbers, look at the history. Ask yourself, if it’s all a risk, if it’s all about choosing from bad and bad, why would you opt for denying what you know will be prevented?

Option A prevents X, Y, Z and may cause Q
Option B prevents nothing, so you may get X, Y, Z and still may cause Q anyway
Which makes more sense??

My wife suggested that I make my blog’s tagline “using common sense”… because I pride myself in doing just that. That’s all that I see in this matter, is to use common sense.

Fight for safer vaccines. Fight for a safer schedule. Fight for more safety with our children!!

But never forget that safer actually means taking the vaccines. It does save lives.

This is my official stance on vaccines. I know it’s a hot topic, I know not everyone will agree. Please do not get mad if you don’t. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and as such, I would never think poorly of you for yours. We need to support each other in pushing for the discovery of the true cause, a way to help those that have Autism and for more resources in schools, work, housing and more. Let’s work together.

Comments { 10 }

The day that CNN phoned me – What they didn’t print

So CNN phoned me today to ask me about my reaction to the Wakefield “fraud” story and about 20 minutes later, I had said all I had to say on the subject.

As is normal in jounalism, 20 minutes of talk time generally gets you about 3 or 4 lines in a news story. In this case, I’m pretty happy with what they quoted from me, what do you think?

Few swayed by fraud finding in autism study

Here’s what they didn’t print.

“Do you believe Wakefield was honest or fraudulent?”

I honestly have no idea but what I do know is that it’s so strange that there is no real investigation, a criminal one. There are claims that he hurt the children, that he paid the children (or their parents) and that the results of all this, if the results are fraud, may have directly caused many deaths.

We’ve been hearing about this study for 13 years, it’s been discredited for several, he was disbarred last year and in all this time, we still have no real answers.

“Do you think this news story will change anything?”

No, I don’t. People who are anti-vaccination read the studies that support their stance. The people who are pro-vaccination read the studies that support their stance. Everything else, they each dismiss.

To be honest, I’m rather sick of anti-vaccination people pulling the 7 degrees of separation game with every doctor that finds no vaccine-autism link in an attempt to link them to some big pharmaceutical company. So some guy’s grandfather had a neighbor that worked as a janitor for some company… is that really a reason to believe he was paid off to say something just to discredit Wakefield?

Why does it work one way and not the other?

Why is it ok to find these links to discredit every doctor out there that says what you don’t agree with but you don’t even bother to question the very public, very obvious controversies surrounding the one doctor that does say what you agree with?

If you question one doctor, or a group of doctors, you have to question them all. Believe no one, do your own research… ALL OF IT.

“Did this story or any of the stories about this make you question vaccines?”

Not really, no. It was pretty clear my son had Autism before his MMR vaccinations and even if there was some question, I’d rather take the Autism risk than the disfigured or dead risk.

No, this controversy is the one big controversy that divides the Autism community and it makes me sick. I get asked the question a lot and usually I don’t answer because I don’t want one side or another hating me. I just want everyone to support each other.

I don’t believe we’ve found the one cause, I don’t even think there is just one cause. But I am pretty sure it’s not vaccines causing anything.

“What do you mean by this is the one controversy dividing the Autism community?”

Well, we’ve had studies, just in the last year or two, that have suggested links to Autism with living next to a highway, with IVF, with jaundice, with premature birth, with oxygen deprivation during birth, with tylenol during pregnancy, with flouride in the water… I could go on and on. Why aren’t people fighting over any of these studies? Why isn’t there some big panic over any of these things?

Why does this one issue have to be so huge that it’s causing people to snap? I mean, this morning a company that makes toys and products for Autistic children posted the link to the Wakefield story on their facebook page and some moms were furious… lashing out at this company for posting a story to discredit such a wonderful man, and to slam all these parents… and so on and so forth.

I mean, seriously. Calm down. They shared the latest Autism news. That’s all!

“So it’s been 13 years now, you said, you think that’s enough?”

Oh yeah. I mean, not a single soul will have their mind changed by these latest news articles. It simply adds fuel to the fire in terms of dividing the community even more. It prolongs the argument.

All this energy in fighting could be spent on getting more teachers out there that understand Autism, getting more employers that are patient enough to take on some Autistic teens, getting housing built that’s affordable and with available help to those adults with Autism that will need it.

I don’t know what the future holds for my son but if he gets to be my age and this argument is still going on, then he’ll have missed out on a lot of services and information that could have been made available if we could just move passed this.

“So why do you think that this continues then?”

People are very passionate about this, this is their children. There’s nothing you can be more protective of than your own child.

I feel bad for the parents who for a while have a normal child, who hugs and speaks and then shortly after they turn 2, they lose all words and no longer look them in the eye. I would look for someone to blame too. If they had just gotten vaccines, I would be pretty angry too.

No news story is going to convince them of anything. When you have that much anger and frustration, it’s passion. They’re fighting for their children.

How much time has been spent with us fighting?

Comments { 7 }

My New Years Resolution

Today is New Years Eve which means we all think back on the year, think ahead to the year to come and “resolve” to improve something somehow.. ourselves, our lives, the world…

The problem with New Years Resolutions is that most people only make them once a year. Really, we should be dedicating our lives to improving ourselves every single day. But that’s a whole other story.

Those of us with a child that’s been diagnosed with Autism know that we’ve been making resolutions with every therapy session, every IEP meeting… with every milestone that’s been missed.

Then New Years Eve rolls around and as we watch friends and family gather to ring in the new year, we’re “stuck” at home because there’s no one we’d trust with our children that aren’t old enough to be out partying for the big night.  The neighbourhood babysitter just isn’t going to cut it on these nights.

While we sit and wonder if everyone’s talking about how “stuffy” or “over protective” we are while they’re drinking it up, we are content with our decision… here’s why.

People celebrate the turning of the year over to a new one but really, is tomorrow really going to be different from yesterday? Not likely. You may write the wrong year on your rent check tomorrow. Otherwise, chances are you won’t feel any different.

When you have a child with Autism that’s missed so many milestones over those short few years between 2 and 5 years of age, you not only learn to really appreciate the little things but you learn what’s really important.

Pulling down the calendar off the wall to put up a new one is not cause for celebration.. your child saying “I love you” is. Your child using a toilet for the first time is. Your child looking you in the eye, giving you a hug… kissing you! Now that’s cause for celebration!

There’s nothing wrong with resolving to make your life better in the coming year but don’t ever think that I’m missing out on any celebrating when I’m at home with my boys on New Years Eve.

I’ve made my resolutions already… many times. I’ve had my celebrations and they meant the world to me.

It’s because I’m not out partying that I’m not missing a single thing.

So what is my “New Years Resolution” then? The same as it is every day:

To strive to be the person that I would like my children to grow up to be.

Comments { 4 }

“I don’t like to lose!” – A tough lesson to learn

While sitting here at my computer working, my son and his older cousin are in the living room playing Mario Party 8. Normally, this game is a wonderful tool for him to develop his motor skills, hand-eye co-ordination and even problem solving skills. However, as he gets better at it, he’s finding that he has a much harder lesson to learn… that he can’t win all the time.

I could hear it building until finally he stomped his feet off into the kitchen screaming “I don’t like to lose!” with tears streaming down his face.

At this point, I got up, went into the living room and looked at him. Again, he looked at me and screamed “I don’t like to lose!” so I said “well then, if you can’t lose at it, you can’t play it” and turned off his game.

At this point, I expected a much larger meltdown so I had to move quick while I had his attention.

Before he could even open his mouth, I said “do you want to play this game again?” and he yelled “YES!”

So I said “well, you’re not going to unless you can lose.”

I continued “do you like to play the new Donkey Kong game?” and he said “yes” and I said “well, you’re going to lose.”

I said “do you like to go bowling?” and he said “yes” and I said “well, you’re going to lose.”

At this point he came back in and sat on the couch… knees up under his chin.

I said “Let me ask you Cameron, if you win… who loses?” to which he replied “Emily” (his cousin).

I said “Do you think she likes to lose every single time?” and he said “no.” I said “well, if you win every single time, she loses every single time. I bet she doesn’t like losing either. It wouldn’t be much fun if she got mad and stormed off into the kitchen, would it?” and he said “no.”

I said “Do you think that Emily wins every single time when she goes bowling?” and he said “no.”

I explained to him that he has to lose sometimes, Emily has to lose sometimes… even I lose sometimes. But when you lose, you get better at it until eventually you will win.

He felt better about it, but there’s no quick fix for this. 10 minutes later, he was right back into the game and getting mad that he was losing. Some people never grow out of it. We all know people that get really mad about losing.

And trying to teach a 5 year old with Autism that you have to lose in order to learn how to win is quite a tricky task to be sure, but it’s one of the fun parts of parenting. I like to think that a little bit of what I said sunk in… and next time a little more.

For this talk, I lose. But I’ll keep at it until I win… because when I do, so will he.

Comments { 3 }