Tag Archives | labels

Labels – Try as we might, we can’t avoid them

By on May 14, 2012 in Autism

I know some people that purposely don’t seek out an autism diagnosis (or any medical diagnosis) for fear of the label that it will attach to themself or their child… a label that they will have to carry for life.

While I could go into quite the long winded argument about all of the ways that a diagnosis would help far more than it could ever hinder… instead, I’d like to focus on the label itself.

The Unavoidable

Anyone that has ever attended high school knows that you simply can not avoid getting some type of label in life. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do. Even the popular jocks get labels. See? They’re jocks!

They say that if you’re bisexual, you’re confused. If you’re gay, it’s a sin. If you’re fat, you look disgusting. If you’re dressed up, you’re conceited. If you dress for comfort, you’re a slob. If you speak you’re mind, you’re egotistical. If you don’t say anything, you’re rude. If you are nice to strangers, then you’re fake. If you cry, you’re a drama queen. If a female has male friends, she’s a whore. If a male has female friends, he’s a player. If you’re smart, you’re a nerd.

I could go on and on but essentially, the idea is, it doesn’t matter how big, small, tall, short, popular, unpopular, loud, quiet or anything else that you could possibly be… you’re going to get labelled.

It’s just how it goes.

label jars not peopleJudging a package by it’s label

The problem, I think, isn’t so much the label that we are given so much as the assumptions that are made based on that label.

For example.. if you see a woman with a lot of make up, physically fit, very tight and revealing clothing… many people would say “she’s a slut” and with one little word/thought, they assume they know her entire life story.

It becomes an even bigger problem when the label precedes you.  For example, going back to the high school reference, word travels fast so if you are really smart… people may start calling you a nerd, geek, poindexter… what ever they think will hurt most.. before they’ve even met you.

They can’t possibly know if you’re smart just by seeing you enter a room or walk down the hall but because friends talk to friends… people have already placed a label on you and prepared an entire method of dealing with you before having actually seen you.

This is a very shallow way of living, it’s not fair and it’s very close minded… but we all do it. At least to some extent. When we hear about another parent who behaves one way or another, talks a certain way, believes a certain thing… we’ve already made assumptions and possibly even decided if we’ll like them or not before we ever say hello.

Nicknames are just labels that we approve of

Sometimes, when we get a label based on the way we actually are… as given to us by friends… we don’t mind them. Sometimes they even evolve into nicknames that we live with for many years.

They’re still labels.

But they’re not so bad because they’re not based on assumption, they’re based on our actual personalities or quirks. Sometimes we still don’t like them but sometimes we don’t mind.

Special needs labels

Labels associated with special needs are very rarely welcome ones because they are almost always based on assumptions, misinformation and stereotypes.

When someone uses the r-word in association with autism, I take that very personally because neither myself nor my son fit that definition. No autistics do unless they also have a separate diagnosis for exactly that.

See, if you were to call my son very particular or picky… I’d probably chuckle and agree with you.

It’s still a label.

But it’s one based on getting to know him and what he’s like.

Not all autistics are all that picky. Take me for example. I’m very go with the flow, not caring too much what others want to do as I can do it too, I eat just about anything… my son is the total opposite.

Labels don’t always hurt. Sometimes they are born of familiarity and if welcome by the individual… are acceptable.

One on one, when accepted, labels are ok.

Never any other time.

When made by a group, against a group, based on assumption, rumour or “information”… labels are not ok.

I leave you with this… from the man who played the ninth doctor in Dr. Who.

Doctor Who

Click for Full Size

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A label by any other name smells just as… autism

By on April 5, 2012 in Autism

Do you like the title of this post? Is it catchy? Humorous? Weird? Clever?

Well, maybe not clever. The point is though, that the title of this post kind of hints at what you might expect in this post but it really doesn’t give you a great idea of what it really contains. It’s just a title. It’s not the whole story.

By now I’m sure you have it figured out, I’ve hopefully made the point.. right? A label doesn’t tell the story. A label is just a title. Right?

Wow, this was a short post.

Wait! I have more.

Diagnosis Denial

I’ve heard from some people that suspect that their child could have autism, or at least some autism-like traits… and they’re afraid to bring it up with their doctor. They don’t want a diagnosis because they don’t want their child to have the label for the rest of their lives.

Then there are those who do get the diagnosis for their child and refuse to believe it. They absolutely will not believe that their child must bare this label for the rest of their lives. They try to pretend that the diagnosis never happened and simply continue to raise their child as they would have anyway… forgoing advice, help and services.

Denial is far more common than you might think and while understandable, it can be harmful. There’s an expression: “It is easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult.”

What that means is that early intervention can go a long way to helping your child progress, grow and develop the skills they need to be successful and independent adults. Any delay can hinder that progress. One year missed in the early stages can take several years to repair later in life. People… ALL PEOPLE… develop in their early years and what is established early is what makes up their core personality later in life.

Hate Autism? Love Autism?

There have been a lot of discussions (quite heated actually) around the autism community because some parents are claiming to hate autism, and really… I can’t blame them. For some people, their child will likely live in a home for the rest of their lives. They’ll be bullied, they’ll have no job, no family… they’ll miss out on a lot in life.

Still though, in this case, I think it’s a label issue more than anything.

I look at this way: when a child misbehaves or does something wrong, “experts” and books teach us that as parents, we should redirect or encourage proper behavior… but if need be, point out how what they did was bad, not that they were bad. Or to put it another way, never tell your child they are bad, but rather that the action they took was wrong.

In this way, as an example, hitting is bad, not the child that did the hitting.

To go back to autism, I think the parents hate that their children can not speak, can not integrate into society, can not do all of the things the parent wishes they could do… due to the autism. They hate the barriers, the severity… not the actual autism itself.

They hate that they haven’t found a way to communicate. Sure Carly Fleischmann (go buy her book by the way!) found a way to communicate despite being unable to speak… but to a parent that has yet to find a way with their own child, they’ll hate it.

They’ll hate that they can’t communicate. They’ll say that they hate autism… it’s an emotional response.

It doesn’t make it right, any more than telling your child that they’re bad when they do a bad thing. The experts are right. It is better to focus on the action than the person. But as an emotional response… it’s understandable, even if not really right.

Labels… sometimes they get mixed up in the heat of the moment.

Person first language

I thought I had finished with this topic when I wrote the last word on person first language… I still share the link to that post with people just about every day. That’s because there are people telling me, almost every day, to refer to autistics one way or another. (some people prefer ‘autistic’ while some people prefer ‘person with autism’)

The fact is, they’re both a label by another name. The person is just as sweet. (notice I didn’t say smell? For those of you that don’t know the reference from the original quote, sorry)

Yes, there is a lot of power in words and choosing which label you want to use does have an impact on how you think about a person. Still though, it doesn’t have an impact on who that person is.

You’ve labeled a person. They’re still a person that doesn’t really reflect the label at all.

I know, some people would and likely will argue with me that it does reflect the person, but going back to the beginning of this post, a title hints but does not tell you the story.

I know some autistics that don’t care what you call them and have no interest in the autism community or advocating at all. They just live their life as a person who lives their life.

For those people, calling them autistic or a person with autism or lazy or big boned or funny looking or anything else doesn’t really tell you anything about the person at all, does it? Maybe to Sherlock Holmes, but for most people, we wouldn’t have a clue where they’ve lived, the type of people they hang out with, what their favorite food is… nothing.

Insisting on a label, or fighting over a label, seems like an odd way to spend your time when you could have been learning the story instead.

A headline

For the most part, I’ve been down playing labels in this post. I don’t want you to think that I am completely dismissing how important they are though. Although, I attribute a lot of that to just how lazy or assuming people are.

The greatest example of this is in the media. I believe we’re all aware of news agencies common practice of “sensationalizing” a headline to grab readers.

I wrote about it in “The truth about how a research study goes from the lab, through the media, to the people” where you can actually see how a story goes from a researcher to the public and just how radically the headline can change over time.

The danger of this, which happens far too often, is that many readers will take the headline and be satisfied with it. They’ll come to conclusions and share it without having ever read the actual story.

This translates into the real world of labels where, when someone says autism, a person might automatically think they know all about a person. They assume that an autistic will be prone to violent meltdowns, they won’t look a person in the eye, they won’t be able to talk properly or at all, they’ll spin around or flap their hands a lot… any number of things.

Find any 5 autistics that you can and you’ll quickly find that these generalizations are just silly. Sure, one or two might do one or two of the things I’ve listed… but more than likely, all 5 will be completely different where none of which do all of those things.

And those are just possible autistic behaviors. That is a far stretch from assuming you know a person.

So yes, labels have their power, because people want to make assumptions based on them. They want to know the story before they know the story.

A label

amazing

Love the shirt!

A label is just a label… it’s a short form reference to an entire story that you have yet to discover.

There’s a whole lot more to The Lord of the Rings than it’s title and there’s a lot more to a person than the title you label them by.

So make sure you use a label properly, use the label you prefer most and most of all… never assume you know the story based on the label.

My son’s label is ‘Amazing’. If you want to know why, you’ll have to get to know him and learn his story.

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Sometimes being fair and honest can seem a little harsh

By on July 9, 2011 in Autism

If you’ve followed my blog at all, or even gotten to know me on Twitter or Facebook, you should already know that I’m all about the limitless potential of all children, with or without Autism. My whole goal is to not just raise awareness but to have people understand and accept people with Autism for who they are.

However, you should also know that I’m never one to forget just how hard Autism can be on a person. I’m not the type of person to write about the good and/or bad without acknowledging that the opposite is also true.

The situation

I like to come up with my own “quotes” or thoughts that I share, some personal insight that perhaps others may or may not share. I try to inspire or get people thinking as much as I can.

Recently, one such quote has been “corrected” a few times now on me, which is why I bring this up in this post.

No matter the severity, never underestimate a person with Autism. There could be brilliance struggling to get out.

On more than one occasion, some parents have tried to tell me that it’s not “there could be brilliance”… it’s “there is brilliance”.

Let’s be fair

The truth is, I am an optimist and believe that anything is possible, anyone is capable of anything but I’m also very grounded in reality. The reality is that not everyone is brilliant… Autism or not.

Now, some Autistics discover a powerful strength in one specific field, whether it be music, math, art… what ever. Some are so amazing that they are classified as a savant.

The fact is, most Autistics are not savants though.

I realize that it’s going to sound harsh (see post title) but in reality it’s not. Not every single person with Autism is brilliant. It’s just not any more likely than it is for any other people.

As I said, it’s not to say that they can’t be brilliant at something, or work really hard to become brilliant… but the fact is just that, not everyone is brilliant.

My answer to those who correct me

My answer to those people is: “I said what I meant and I meant what I said.”

no labelsI can’t, in good conscience, refuse to label all Autistics as disabled or slow or having a low IQ and then turn around and label them all as brilliant. If I am expected to avoid labeling all Autistics to the negative, then I must also avoid labeling all Autistics to the positive as well.

Instead, I’ll focus on potential because everyone has potential. I’ll focus on possibilities because anything is possible. 

But I will not place unrealistic expectations or insinuations on anyone in an attempt to be overly optimistic and happy sounding.

I’m sorry if this post sounds a bit like a rant or if it sounds a little more negative than I usually am, but the next time someone corrects something I say in such a manner, it’ll be far easier to point them to this thread than it is to try to explain it all over again in 140 characters or less.

Don’t put a label on Autistics that you wouldn’t put on anyone else. Not everyone is brilliant. Not everyone is dumb. But everyone has the potential to be great.

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