Tag Archives | potential

42 days ago

By on October 6, 2011 in General

I’ve been wrestling with myself about whether or not I’d write something about Steve Jobs… everyone else is doing it, people must be getting tired of it by now… but I really, really…. really wanted to say this.

I am not a “fanboi”, as they’re called… meaning I’ve never stood in line to buy an Apple product, I have only ever had a couple of Apple products in my life. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t see the impact that Apple, and of course, Steve Jobs, has had on just about every aspect of our current lives.

Especially being in the Autism community where the Apple ipad inadvertently opened up the world of Autism to a whole new way of thinking.

But this is not a post about Steve Jobs or his products.

The answer to life, the universe and everything

If you’ve never read the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, I have to explain this to you because it’s a bit of a very interesting coincidence.

In the book, some super beings ask a supercomputer for “Ultimate Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything“, it calculates for 7.5 million years before reaching the final answer…. 42.

Why is this a coincidence?

The number of days between Steve Jobs retiring as Apple’s CEO and his death? 42

Working Living until the very end

steve jobs

by Lea Suzuki of the San Francisco Chronicle

The reason that his death came as such a shock to people is that, just a month ago, he was still at Apple, steering the ship.

That just doesn’t happen. You see, people tend to leave work once they get sick. They find out that they have months or even years left, they’re weak… so they step away and make the most of the life they have left.

Not Steve Jobs.

When I first thought about it, I admired how he worked right up until the very end.. or at least, a whole lot closer to the very end than most others would ever do.

I quickly corrected myself though, because the very fact that he was there until the very end was indication enough that to Steve, it wasn’t work. We already knew that though, in that he always professed to love what he did and told others to do what they love. And he proved it all the time.

Some would say that he was a natural at giving his presentations and a marketing genius… I think he just genuinely loved his work. He was proud. That sort of enthusiasm and excitement can’t be faked.

If all of that isn’t proof enough that he loved what he did… 42 will forever be proof enough for me.

He was there because he really was making the most of the life that he had left.

Do not do, be

In the short time since his death (less than 18 hours ago now from the time of my writing this), there has been a constant stream across all social networks of inspiring thoughts, phrases, paragraphs and even entire speeches of his and it’s truly great to see.

But all of these great things he said, he didn’t just say them, he didn’t just do some of the things he said… as many of us will try to do, he was those things. He lived it.

“Stay hungry, stay foolish” is how he finished his speech at Stanford in 2005. Inspiring words, great thought… but how many of us will live that way from here on out?

He did.

There are a LOT of very wise and inspiring quotes of his that I could list out here, the fact is… none of them will do you any good unless you live them. Don’t just agree with him, don’t just believe the words he says… live them.

Here is the video of that speech, please watch:

Here’s to the crazy ones

This commercial from 1997 was never aired. It was narrated by Steve Jobs and has the tagline “Think Different”. If this doesn’t give you a sense of how Steve Jobs’ mind worked… nothing will:

Why did Steve Jobs identify with the people in that commercial so well? Why did he deserve to be included with that list of people?

Because he lived it. He didn’t just say the words. He didn’t just believe it. He lived it.

Impacted our lives

I see a lot of people writing about how his products have impacted our lives, how his thinking has impacted our lives… what I truly love reading are the posts from Silicon Valley from people who became great people in their own right, because of how Steve Jobs impacted their lives far more than a new iPhone ever could.

I don’t need his products to feel his impact. And that’s the beauty of what he was able to accomplish and the true testament to who he was.

I want to live my life as he lived his… doing what I love. I want to do what I enjoy doing until my 42 comes.

More so than that, I want the same for my children. You see, Autism or not, I want my children to find what makes them happy and then to do it. But as a parent of a child with Autism, it’s even more paramount as one of the defining characteristics of Autism is that autistics can excel quite profoundly so long as they’re able to do what it is that they love.

Trying to force someone to conform, in other words, to put a square peg into a round hole, simply does not work. Not with Autism, not without Autism.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.” ~ Steve Jobs

His products changed the world.
His innovations improved our lives.
His lessons inspire us to carry that forward.

The man did not die.. he became legend.

42

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Acceptance is the greatest gift you can give a child with autism

By on September 6, 2011 in Autism

It’s a scary thought, it truly is, but there are parents out there, far too many really, that simply can not accept that their child has Autism.

Either they’re in denial and refuse to believe the doctors, or they refuse to believe that their isn’t a cure to make their child how they want their child to be… or they just refuse to accept that their child is different… I feel so very bad for those children.

If you can’t accept me, who will?

A child’s only wish is to make their parents proud. To receive praise for those first steps, to get a treat for remembering to tidy up, for getting a shiny new bike for doing well in school… but when your parents see you as broken, defective…. less than you should be… what message does that send to a child?

Children grow up to be self confident because their parents instill that strong self worth in them. Children learn to be happy with themselves because their parents believe, through and through, that their child is wonderful exactly how they are.

Whether a parent tries to fake it or not is irrelevant because a child that can not be accepted by their parents will always feel they’re not wonderful, they’re not worthy of acceptance… that no one will ever like them for who they are.

Acceptance is not giving up

The biggest misconception is that accepting your child for who they are is the same thing as giving up and doing nothing to help them. That’s the furthest thing from the truth.

Only when you accept your child’s disorder can you begin to move forward in truly helping your child overcome, excel and maybe even turn that disorder into an advantage.

Many people who refuse to accept that their child has Autism will also refuse to start therapy, treatments and such… losing valuable time, if they ever do come around to accepting it all.

Also, acceptance in finally believing that your child is who they are, how they are and that they are simply always going to be different can help you to adjust your strategies and methods in that you recognize the need to incorporate your child’s wishes, behaviors, activities and “quirks” into the therapies/treatments that you’re trying to use.

Until you stop forcing change on your child and rather, accept the differences and work with your child’s differences, you will keep hitting road block after road block.

Therapy isn’t meant to make it so that your child is no longer autistic, it’s to help your child succeed with Autism, not despite it.

Acceptance leads to self respect, self confidence, self reliance

self acceptanceA child without his or her parent’s acceptance will grow up with self doubt, no self value and will always feel like they don’t belong… like they’re broken.

With acceptance though, a child can grow up to feel that they are respected and have real value to themselves and others. With confidence, children will feel more bold, more brave and more willing to take the steps necessary to becoming independent.

If you look at your child like they’re broken… they may never learn to brush their teeth. But if you love them for who they are (yes, including the fact that they have Autism) and begin to work with your child, with the Autism, you will find a way to have them brushing their teeth and you’ll find that way together, because you’ll work together to do it.

Acceptance is such a powerful thing… it’s far more than just believing the diagnosis… it’s empowering, it’s life skill building, it’s a source of pride, it’s a confidence booster, it’s enlightening….

Acceptance is not giving up. Acceptance is not saying something you don’t really believe.

Acceptance is a place. It’s a moment in time. It’s a destination that will set you on an entirely new path, a beautiful path. It’s the end of negativity and the beginning of limitless possibilities.

Acceptance is the door that you need to open… step through and close behind you.

Move forward with your child, not against your child.

Your child can be perfect. All you have to do is believe it. Because they are.

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If I had Autism

By on August 23, 2011 in Autism

questionsAs I see parents writing articles on what Autism is, or how to describe it, I wonder how many of those people ever asked themselves what it would be like if they had Autism themselves.

Have you thought about it?

I have.

These are just some of the questions I asked myself:

  • Would I see the sounds I hear?
  • Would it be beautiful? Would it be painful?
  • Would I feel the ridges of my finger prints when I rub my hands together?
  • Would I feel anything at all?
  • Would people expect me to have special skills?
  • Would people expect me to have no skills at all?
  • Would I speak the same language as everyone yet still not understand anyone?
  • Would I be unable to speak any language but understand everyone perfectly well?
  • Would I require constant control over myself and my environment?
  • Would I lose control easily?
  • Would I really need hugs?
  • Would I really not want to be hugged?
  • Would I notice the flicker of a fluorescent light?
  • Would I not notice the dangers all around me?
  • Will I be loved for who I am?
  • Will I be hated for who I’m not?

Even though some of these pairs seem like opposites from each other, would I still answer yes to both? Would my answers change from day to day?

Would I be able to explain these things to other people? Would I want to?

Would I be me? Would I be less than me? Would I be more?

There’s so many more questions…. I quickly find myself becoming overwhelmed by it all but strangely, as much as I’ve thought about this a lot, it never really hit me like this until I asked myself…

If I had Autism…

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How many beautiful lives will go unlived due to Autism studies?

By on August 17, 2011 in Autism

The latest Autism Study of the Month is about the likelihood of a younger sibling having Autism when there is already a child in the family with Autism.

I had already discussed how important it is to make family decisions with your heart, not your fears… and how there is always some risk no matter what, even for your first child.

But seeing Google News explode with story after story about it… approx 700 at the time of this writing… I have a new concern.

No FearSpreading Information or Paranoia

At 700 articles, I have to wonder just what message it is that is being sent.

Most studies are negative in nature, focusing on what may be increasing the risks of Autism, but in this case, it’s outright telling people that their next born child will likely be Autistic.

With headlines such as “Parents with one autistic child more likely to have another”, is it really any wonder what the message is?

These studies are important because it brings experts a little step closer to finding real answers but in the general public and in the media, it’s a tool for fear and paranoia.

How many parents will these 700 articles reach?
How many of those parents will make a conscious decision to not have another child based on this study?
How many parents will have their family forever impacted by fear?

The Result of Fear

So you’ve decided to cut your family short for fear of having a child with Autism… let’s discuss:

  • The study found an 18.7% chance of having a child with Autism when you already have a child with Autism. That means that you have an 81.3% chance of having a child without Autism.
  • Is the child you already have beautiful? Amazing? Wonderful? Your next child will be as well.
  • If you only have one child, will you be improving that child’s life or robbing them of a loved one that they can love, cherish, grow with, protect and depend on?
  • Would your child have had the potential to be brilliant? A leader? Inspirational? An artist? A parent?

Lost Potential

I’m not trying to tell you that you have to have another child. If you were already debating/discussing it prior to this or other studies, that’s perfectly understandable. My wife and I did the same thing.

But basing these decisions on the fears created by studies in the news saddens me.

I can’t help but think of the lives that will never be lived, due to fear. The people that could have been presidents, doctors, teachers, parents or even, if they did turn out to have Autism, would have been beautiful people regardless of the titles they could or could not obtain.

My child with Autism is wonderful, he’s amazing! Why would I choose to not have another child when I have such a beautiful life growing before my eyes?

Children, all children, with or without Autism, have limitless potential. Even those that are non-verbal can sometimes surprise you. You just never know what can happen.

Let’s Talk Odds

Since we’re discussing odds, let’s look at some other odds for you and your children:

  • Odds of being the victim of serious crime in your lifetime: 20 to 1
  • Odds of having your identity stolen: 200 to 1
  • Odds of dating a millionaire: 215 to 1
  • Odds of finding out your child is a genius: 250 to 1
  • Odds of being considered possessed by Satan: 7,000 to 1
  • Odds of becoming a pro athlete: 22,000 to 1
  • Odds of winning an Academy Award: 11,500 to 1
  • Odds of becoming president: 10,000,000 to 1

These are some great reasons to be living in fear, to be living a goal, to be optimistic, to be pessimistic and simply… to be alive.

You can’t beat the odds every time, you won’t be a victim of the odds every time either.

The point is to live your life, to enjoy your life and to do with your life what you can while you can.

Don’t snuff out the potential of your children before they ever even have the opportunity to be conceived.

If you want another child, if you want to fill your family, if you want our child to have a younger sibling… do it.

Do not replace potential with fear.

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Autism or not, mediocrity should not be a goal

By on June 8, 2011 in Autism

mediocrityAh mediocrity… the desire to be average, just like everyone else. We feel so down on ourselves but not greedy enough to want to be better than anyone else… just to be in that nice safe middle ground where we consider ourselves an average person.

Is there really such a place? If there is, does that “average person” place change when the majority of people have economic struggles and unprecedented levels of unhappiness and even depression? Is that place really what we’re supposed to be shooting for? To be average?

Ever stand around with a group of people talking about “kids these days” and how it doesn’t matter which government party you vote for, “they’re all the same”… did a single one of us ever think it was ok that billionaires got even richer while everyone else foreclosed on their house?

Is that normal? Is that how society is supposed to be? Do I really want for my children to grow up to be “normal” or to strive for mediocrity in the midst of all of that?

Autism

The sad fact is that for many parents of children that have Autism, that’s exactly what we wish for. For our children to have an equal chance, to have a normal social life… to have a chance at happiness with friends and even a family of their own.

Autism sometimes leaves a child unable to speak, use a toilet and so forth… they can be quite aggressive, prone to outbursts and certainly unable to maintain a friendship.

It’s easy to understand how a parent would wish for them to simply have what others have… a chance to be average.

Settling for good enough

There’s an inherent disadvantage in shooting for “just good enough” in that, if it’s your target… you could miss by a little bit and never reach it. Where as, if you shoot for so much more than that… if you don’t make it, you’ve still far surpassed “just good enough.”

Put it this way… if you aim for a 10… and get 9, you were close. But if you shoot for 50 and get 35…. well, you’re not really even close but aren’t you glad you didn’t shoot for 10?

I know, that’s incredibly simplistic but most anyone who’s put those methods into practice will tell you that this kind of mindset does work. It does force you to push harder than you have before.

In the case of Autism, you may get your child into therapy once a week, you may try to get him a teacher’s aid if funding is available…. where as, if you decide to shoot for so much more than an average life.. you will get on that phone, show up in government buildings weekly and have letters written daily in the mail pushing for a special education, separate therapists handling separate areas of development bi or even tri-weekly.

You don’t have to spend a fortune either… just have that desire, that hunger… that need to push for so much more than mediocrity.

It’s not that easy

When the average person begins learning business… they find that they need separate courses in management, finances, economics, human resource management and the list goes on and on.

The question is, do they start on this path with the intention of having a business that earns them minimum wage like their friends make… or to have a successful business and live a comfortable.. maybe even high class lifestyle?

The point is, nothing worth having is easy. It takes a life time to get the life’s worth of experiences to get yourself into a position to have a better life than the average person. These days, even winning the lottery won’t get that for you… most lottery winners claim bankruptcy within five years of getting their winnings. Why? Because they don’t have the life skills/experience to know how to manage that new lifestyle.

But I don’t care for all that

I hear ya, I have never cared for being rich myself but I sure would like to have enough money to be able to buy things I need without having to worry about whether or not I’ll still have enough for rent.

Truth be told, I’d love for Cameron to have an equal chance just like everyone else as well but that’s not my goal. I know there’s greatness within him… and I don’t know when or how it’ll show itself… I honestly don’t even know if it ever will, but it’s that greatness that I’m in search of.

If I never give up on that, if I always work towards that…. then one day he’ll far surpass mediocrity and I’ll have either reached the goals I had set out for him or I won’t but I’ll be proud of how far he was able to go.

I up rooted my family and moved to where I knew there would be teachers and a school system that would support him. I gave up my house and my job and friends and even my family to get him here… not because I want him to be average.

He was 3 and didn’t say a word…. but mediocrity wasn’t what I wanted for him. A lot of therapy later, working with him ourselves (his mother and I) and some radical sacrifices (giving up our home, moving and even giving up other things to afford therapy), he’s now speaking quite well and even reading three and four letter words. He’s even doing addition. He’s almost 6 now, starting grade one next year. He will surprise all those people who said he’d never have a “normal life.”

You don’t need to shoot for riches or to be the next great thinker for the history books… but don’t shoot for being average either.

Everyone is capable of so much more. Even if it may not seem like it right now, the potential is there. It’s up to you to never give up on it and it’s not going to be easy. But don’t feel guilty for shooting for the stars.

The Autism will always be there, in our children…. but so will their potential… so will their greatness.

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