Tag Archives | r-word

Spread the word to end the word – a suggested suitable replacement

By on March 6, 2013 in Autism, Special Needs

Spread the word to end the word

Today is, once again, the day to end the word. The “r-word”.  Really though, it’s every day, isn’t it? They just make official days to get us bloggers all talking about it at the same time. Which is brilliant. But really, we all need to be talking about it any time the word comes up or when ever the opportunity arises. Not to preach to our friends, family or even strangers about how we want them to talk but to suggest that there may be a better way.

That’s how I look at this, as an opportunity. And since I’ve been at this for a while, I think I know my audience (that’s you) pretty well. Which means that I know you’ve already heard about this and more so, most likely already removed that word from your vocabulary. Even if not, for what ever reason, you’ve at least heard of it and made your decision. (although I do hope you’ll reconsider it someday)

So I won’t sit here and preach to you. You know how it hurts me since I have a child with special needs. You know how it hurts others from those in care facilities to those who simply learn at a slower rate than “normal.” You know all the things I could possibly say to you to convince you to stop using that word.

Instead, I would ask that you seize your opportunities. As awkward as they may be or as shy as you may be or as uncomfortable as it may become, speak up.

Whether it’s a family member, an old friend or some person on the bus, speak up. Be nice, don’t be preachy, and just gently suggest that you and many people find that word offensive no matter how it’s used or in which way it’s intended. Suggest that, even though you valuable their right to say and do as they please, you just request that they understand that it is offensive to many and to take the time to consider all that this implies.

There is one word that I often suggest as a replacement, not to be used in place of, but to be thought of instead. An r-word to replace an r-word.

That word is respect.

When a person is about to or has already used the r-word, think about the other r-word, respect. Respect those that find it offensive. Respect those that are having to hear it. Respect those that are indirectly implied by your using it. Respect yourself enough to have a more evolved vocabulary and sense of community.

You don’t have to respect an individual, in the way in which you’d respect a peer, but to respect the ideal behind those are trying to do something right. For the good of the children, the children’s parents and everyone around the world.

So no, I’m not going to ask that you not use the word. All I ask is that you take today and any day to speak up when someone does. Be respectful in suggesting that they do the same.

And in the mean time, read and share because the more that we get the word out to the world, the faster we can get the word out of the world.

More:

End The Word

Sticks and Stones

What’s in a word?

Being Retarded

 

If you have written a post or found a post about this, please share and I’ll add it to the list above.

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An attempt to make “autistic” into the new r-word

By on March 16, 2012 in Autism

If you are in the autism community in some form or another, chances are that you’ve already heard all about the uproar surrounding the new 21 Jump Street movie… if not, keep reading.

So 21 Jump Street was a rather popular television show back in the day, in fact, it launched the career of several people including Johnny Depp.. and one other person quite well known within the autism community, Holly R. Peete.

Now, they’re making a movie by the same name but instead of teenage angst, real life, drama and emotion, it’s a ridiculously stupid comedy filled with cheap laughs.

Don’t get me wrong, I happen to love stupid comedies. I laugh even at cheap laughs.

The problem is that in one particular trailer, the one guy looks at a chart that his officers made and says “That looks like s#!t. What are you, autistic?”

Enter the uproar.

You can see it for yourself, it happens around the 3:31 mark:

?t=3m31s

At this point, I want you to re-watch it and this time, imagine he’s saying the word “retarded” in place of autistic. See now what their intention was?

This is simply not ok. This is simply wrong.

There’s many reasons, but let’s look at two of them:

First of all, anyone who knows anything about autistics knows that, while not all autistics are super organized or particularly amazing at building charts… if you were going to go by the stereotype, as is the intention here, you’d expect that thing to be freakin immaculate. Let me put it this way, if they are going for the whole rain man of over the top stereotypical, stupidly, outrageously funny offensive things to say about autistics, that thing would have been the best damn chart anyone has ever seen.

So ya, they clearly don’t even know what they’re talking about if they can’t get the stereotype right… not that it would have been right either but certainly closer to some semblance of reality.

Secondly, this opens a door that starts a journey down a very dark road. Stereotypes, innuendo and hate in general don’t start out at full force… it starts small.

And if this is the type of precedent they’re trying to set for stereotypical movie humour about autism… let’s just say that none of us would want to see where that road will lead.

I’m all for overly exhagerated stereotypes in search of a laugh… I’m all for the extremely over done ridiculousness of what is real in an attempt to get a chuckle… but this is not ok.

For the record, Holly R. Peete, who makes a cameo in the new movie, has said that she had read the script in advance and that line was not in there at the time.

On Twitter, she said:

So thrilled that #21Jumpstreet is getting such critical acclaim- The show brand means everything to me-so proud to an OG but as a mom of a son w/ autism I’d be totally disingenuous to say I was not bothered by the use of the word “autistic” in the film. I’ve reached out to Sony PR & co-director Phil Lords re:why the choice of “autistic” as a punchline is so upsetting to our community.
Phil Lord co-director of #21Jumpstreet said re: “autistic” line: “We set out to make a funny, irreverent & outrageous movie but not to hurt anyone’s feelings. Our stars are the butt of all our jokes and we feel terrible and deeply sorry that anyone would feel otherwise.”

You can read the tweets here:

https://twitter.com/#!/hollyrpeete/status/180375413527298049
https://twitter.com/#!/hollyrpeete/status/180376189796487168
https://twitter.com/#!/hollyrpeete/status/180383033591992321

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What the r-word means until it means something to you

By on March 7, 2012 in Special Needs

To those who do not understand what the problem is with the “r-word”:

The r-word…  retard. It’s a funny little slang word that can be used to describe so many things, situations….  people. It’s a word that’s causally thrown around, used without thinking about it…  it doesn’t really mean anything.

Right?

Perhaps, if you do not have anyone in your family that has a disability or special need… it really doesn’t mean much to you. And so you don’t get it. Why do people make such a big deal about it? Why do so many people get so upset about a word that you don’t even give a second thought to?

Well, let’s fast forward a few years, actually, a lot of years and let’s say you’re now approaching your 80’s. You have children, grand children and loved ones beyond that. And then you have a stroke and in an instant… a large portion of your brain function is no longer available to you. You’re still smart, you still remember everything, you still love everyone… but now you struggle to say the things you’re thinking, you struggle to use your hands with precision…. you simply… struggle.

How would it feel if your children started calling you a retard? Your grandchildren? Ok, maybe not directly, but let’s put it this way…

One day you try to pick up a glass of water, it slips and crashes to the floor. A short while later in the day, you grandchild goes to pick up their plate, drops it and it smashes to the floor. Out of frustration, that grandchild says to themself: “Ugh, I’m such a retard sometimes!”

Ouch.

Perhaps that’s too far off, let’s put yourself a little closer to your present self as say… 20 years off from now, where you’re now a working and capable adult and your child has just been born into the world of limitless possibilities and wonder.

And then the doctor informs you that there have been complications. It’s nothing you did, it’s nothing they did… it’s just one of those things, right?

Something strange happens from that point on, where you begin to see your child as a determined fighter, a winner, an against all odds victor over anything that the world can throw at them and you love them so much more for it. It wasn’t one complication… it was a life long complication that has only made you and your child stronger.

Over time, you start to realize that the strange thing that I referred to earlier is actually that your perception is no longer that of your friends….

Where they still see a disability, you see strength.
Where they see failure, you see success.
Where they see retard… you see your child.

One day you try to get your child into a nice school in the neighborhood but they turn you away. They can’t accommodate your child and your child’s needs. Another parent is getting their child into the same school and asks why “that other parent and kid were turned away?”, the administrator tells them that your child has special needs and can’t be accepted. The kid, thinking you can’t hear, says “he wants to bring his disabled kid to this school? That’s retarded.”

Ouch.

The world hasn’t changed, you have. Now, instead of not giving that word a second thought… you do give it a second, third and fourth thought as it hurts you to the core.

It now means more to you than you ever thought it could… more than you ever thought it should.

And you speak up, and those kids don’t get you… they don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal about a word that they’ve never given a second thought and in that instant, you see yourself in those kids. You see what you were missing.

So perhaps it doesn’t matter right now, perhaps it’s just a funny silly little word… but some day it will hurt. It will hurt a lot.

Whether it’s you, your child, grand child, cousin…  friend… it doesn’t matter. One day you’ll hear someone use that word and it will hit close to home and it will bother you. It will bother you a lot.

It’s not a funny silly little word. It’s a stereotype. It’s a label. It’s a knife in the heart. And not to a stranger… to someone close to you, maybe even yourself.

You didn’t even give it a second thought.

Click the image below to learn even more and to get involved… let’s help people to understand what it really means when you use the r-word.

end the r-word

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The R-Word is not acceptable

By on May 25, 2011 in Special Needs

Ok so, this isn’t new and I’m a little late on the bandwagon but there’s a reason. You, my readers, are already r-word savvy… you already know not to use it. You already know how hurtful it can be. So I’ve kind of felt like I’d be preaching to the choir if I did a post on it.

I changed my mind.

I still hear the word far too much

R-Word.org

I live in a bilingual city where a lot of people not only speak French but it’s actually their first language. English is second. There are some inherent problems with this that I have noticed. Nothing drastic but there are some things that bother me.

For example, the French here tend to use double negatives a LOT. It’s not their fault though. When you translate French into English, if you do it literally, you end up with a double negative most of the time. I’m not here for a linguistics lesson so just take my word for it.

However this also means that some “slang” and even derogatory words become a regular part of their vocabulary just as easily as it does for teens in high school that throw around the latest trendy verbiage or insults or what have you.

Let’s just say that when something doesn’t make sense to someone around here, the most likely reply I’ll hear is “that’s so retarded.”

Accepting the blame

First and foremost, we all must accept the blame before we can try to make a change for the better. I’ve said it. I’ve never said it as an insult or in a derogatory fashion but I’ve said it as a means to describe something I disagreed with or thought made no sense.

I think it’s safe to say that most people have at least used the word in some way even if not meant to hurt someone with it. Especially those of us that are over 20 or so…. I mean, how long ago was it that we first started hearing that “mentally handicapped” was taking over for “mentally retarded”?

We never meant for it to be a bad thing to say but here we are… it is how it is, it is what it is. Now it’s time to put a stop to it no matter how we intend it’s use.

Making the pledge

There is a website (http://r-word.org) where you can make a pledge to not only stop using the word but to make an attempt to stop others from using it as well. I have made the pledge on their site.

Their site lists a couple of dialog examples on how this subject can be addressed: Example 1 and Example 2.

By doing this, we can help people to recognize when and how they use this word and hopefully stop them doing so.

But I don’t use it to insult anyone

As I’ve said all through this, I have never used the word to insult anyone or in a derogatory way but I still feel that there’s really no reason to use it at all. No I’m not saying that I don’t want anyone else to ever use the word even if it’s with the best of intentions, I am just saying that I do not want to use it anymore.

I feel that it’s use only perpetuates it’s future usage… it’s continual transition from a medical term to a derogatory term to a slang to what ever else it may become. There’s just no need to continue to have it be a part of our vocabulary at this point as it serves no purpose except negativity.

The r-word is not acceptable. Pledge your support.

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