Tag Archives | story

Find your own voice

By on June 19, 2013 in Autism

Your voice mattersOn a blog dealing with autism, the title may put some on edge. Not all autistics can speak verbally and even many that can or find another way are often not heard or even ignored.

But that’s that not really what I’m trying to address right now. Instead, I’m talking to you… the one that comments or shares what I write and says “he says what we all think” or “this is so much like how it is for me”. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that, but still, I encourage you to find your own voice. Don’t just share what I write and say “ditto”, but to create your own or to still share mine but to add in yours on top.

This is also to those that say “that’s not how it really is because my child is different” or “you give people a false impression with your feel good BS”. To you I say, go find your own voice. Leave mine alone.

Here’s the thing, we have all heard the one classic autism quote, the one that defines everyone by defining no one: “If you meet one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.” And we all know it to be true. And yet we still strive for commonality and relatability and we still hate those that state something to be true when it’s so obviously not for us. Well, ok, maybe only a small few hate. But they’re loud.

We have parents that resent everyone comparing their child to Grandin, Fleischmann or *shudder* Rainman, we have parents hating other parents because they’re not positive or negative enough, we have autistics hating parents because they speak from a parents perspective and don’t consider the child’s and then they hate parents for speaking of the child’s perspective when they can’t possibly know what their child is thinking. We even have parents hating autistics because autistics are representing autism differently than those parents wish they would and we even have autistics hating other autistics for making people think that all autistics are like them.

There’s more but I think that is a good enough list to suffice. I would hope that you can see where I’m going with this.

Ultimately, this all comes down to a form of silencing. People that see autism as being a negative thing will want me to stop speaking about it in a positive way. People that see autism as a positive thing will want me to stop speaking out about the negatives.

This is so very wrong. Very very wrong. I mean, I get it. I understand that it’s not how it is for you. But that’s YOUR story to tell. I’m telling mine. You tell yours.

The fact is, we’re equals in this world. Which means, that if I have to stop being so positive, then you have to stop being so negative and thus, no one learns anything. Where as, if I continue being positive and you continue being negative, people will learn everything. The same thing happens with parents writing from a parent’s perspective and autistics writing from an autistic’s perspective. Or care givers and teachers writing from their own perspectives.

See how that works?

Now, to those of you that actually like what I have to say and feel it’s what you would say anyway, I am trying to be fair. If those that disagree should tell their own story, then so should those that do agree.

The reason? We’re all different. Our children are all different. Our stories are all different.

I’m not saying that you have to start a blog if you don’t already have one but rather, just tell people. Face to face, in social media. What ever. Even if it is by sharing what someone else writes, include your own story along with it. Explain how your story differs, not just how it’s the same.

Only by hearing every story can people understand just how incredibly true and important the grand scale of “If you meet one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism” really is.

I don’t want to be your voice whether you like what I have to say or not. I want you to share your own story. With me and with everyone. Whether I agree with it or not. Whether anyone else agrees with it or not.

Stand up and shout it out! Type it, write it, sign it, morse code it… in what ever way you can express anything to anyone, I encourage you to do it as best you can and as often as you can.

I won’t be silenced and I won’t silence you.

This is my story. I’m eager to hear yours.

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The reason we cry when someone is nice to an autistic child

By on March 29, 2013 in Autism

kiss cheeseburgerRecently a photo of a girl kissing a cheeseburger went around the internet like a lightning bolt, shared by millions and adored. I won’t get into the whole story but you can read about it here.

Most people loved the story while some others questioned, why is it that we cry just because someone is nice to an autistic child?

Stripping away our desire to have this happen with our own children, it’s a fair question. No one cries when someone does this for just any child. No one even makes it into a story and it certainly doesn’t go viral.

Is it because we’re supposed to feel pity or sorrow for autistic children? Is it because autistic children are poor little defenseless lambs in comparison? Is it because autistic children are viewed as the underdog and thus needing special treatment and we just love to hear that they get it?

Or is it because it simply does not happen? At least to us.

When you have a child with autism, you feel the stares as your child behaves in ways that others may not understand. We feel the judgments as people think we’re terrible parents while our child suffers a meltdown.

More so than that, we know full well just how cold people can really be when we ask for something as simple as an uncut burger and they huff, roll their eyes, refuse to appease us or do appease us but do it with an obvious amount of disdain for what we’re putting them through.

It’s because we know what it’s like to have to just up and leave a nice lunch out because someone refused to simply do something we needed and our child erupted into a complete and uncontrollable meltdown.

It’s because we know just how powerless we are against bitter, unhelpful and even rude people who simply do not care about you or your child.

So when we see someone, not just someone but their manager and other co-workers and an actual group of people who go out of their way to not just be understanding but to do something special, no matter how small, or how big, but to just do something they never had to do at all… it’s a tear jerker. It’s a shot to the gut… because we want so bad for someone, anyone to just be kind enough to do that to our own child. Just once.

Because trying and trying and trying to find someone who’d simply show us and our children just a little bit of compassion… we keep coming up empty.

And in this one photo, this one story, this one simple act… we find it.

In that instant, we have renewed faith. In others. In ourselves, that one day we’ll find someone like that too and should never give up. And most of all, in humanity.

There are kind people out there. People who won’t ask me to leave. People who won’t judge me. People who won’t grunt as I make a small request of them on behalf of my child. People who will not just accept that my child is there but actually make an attempt to make my child happy… no matter how silly it may seem.

There are people out there, who care.

Today, right now, in this world, that’s a nice thought. It’s comforting. There’s hope.

They’re happy tears.

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The Adventures of One Sock [Review]

By on October 20, 2011 in Autism Review

When I get books in the mail relating to Autism, they’re usually for me. However, this one wasn’t… it is for my boys.

one sockThe book

The Adventures of One Sock is a fun tale about a child with Autism that gets spooked when he spots, what he thinks is, a lion in a neighbor’s yard while on his walk to school with his dad.

With the help of his family, he’s able to cope and even over come this fear and makes a new friend in the process.

The Story

The story, along with some very cute and fun art work really were easy to relate to for my children because they remember the stroller days, they have an imagination that could conjure up a lion as well and they really like the… well, I don’t want to spoil the ending for you.

I do have to be honest in saying that it’s a little obvious that this is the first children’s book for this author, in that I found myself replacing a few words as I read, since they didn’t feel all that natural to say to a child… but even with those few exceptions, it’s still a wonderful story and very engaging for my boys.

Aesthetics

One of the things that they really got right with this book (which most people don’t think about) is the aesthetics. It’s a nice big book with paper covers. It’s not a lot of pages but those pages are quite big, making the art work really stand out and the words are very clear in big letters.

This really lets little hands hold it, explore and even bend it all they want without having to worry about it. Also, as my older boy is just learning to read, I can more easily point to words or even letters since they’re in a nice big type face.

Conclusion

This is a great little book to pick up for your little ones… I’m sure they’ll be able to relate to a lot of parts in it even though, at 24 pages, it’s not a long story. Yes, it is a story about a boy with Autism but that is never really an issue. Whether your children have Autism or not, they’ll relate to this story.

The Adventures of One Sock is now one of the bed time stories that my boys hear before bed… I’m sure one day, when they’re able, they’ll love sitting down to read it themselves.

You can pick up The Adventures of One Sock at ClearSpace for $10.92.

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